Sunday, March 25, 2007

How to weasel your way out of a race


This is in general, of course, and not directed towards an individual. Today, we're going to learn how to come up with excuses you can use to get out of participating in an 8K race. Why would you not want to race? We'll there might be plenty of reasons:
  • You suck ass.
  • You told your friends you were doing mad cardio, but you were lying. And now they're going to find out.
  • You know that the loser of the race needs to pay for dinner. And you know you're going to lose. And you don't want to pay for dinner. Quite the predicament.
So now that we've established a bit of motivation, here is what you can do if one of the above applies to you:
  • Tell your friends you don't want to race. But they'll probably punk you. No, you need to be more clever than that...
  • Start the race, but don't finish it. Just cheat! Cut through the middle of the course, and voila!
  • Buy a condo the day of the race. Tell your friends that this was the last unit available. There's no way they can call you out. Consider a yacht for the year after. Why pay so your friends can eat, when you only have enough money for 1 bedroom plus den?
  • Book a vacation to Cuba a few weeks before the race. Make sure you double check the date of the race, and find a return flight that brings you back the night before. How could they ask you to participate? I mean, you work so hard at your job, you deserve a vacation, right?
  • Get "physiotherapists" to "warn" you about a potential "slipped disc" in your back. Pat yourself on the back ... but not in front of your friends, they might get suspicious. To throw them off your tracks, register for the race. They'll think, "he obviously can't be faking if he's willing to pay $40 to register." But you know better ... Dinner at a nice restaurant could cost like $200! You just saved yourself mad cash money!
On your mark, get set, go!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Rubik's Cube update

I posted earlier about my obsession with learning how to solve a Rubik's Cube.

Well, after visiting a lot of websites teaching you different methods, I found this site by Lars Petrus. I read, I studied, and I practiced. In the beginning, I would get stuck at certain points, and literally spend hours playing with the cube ... no progress. Or I would get to a certain step, and then twist the cube the wrong way during a long succession of twists. Crap!

But then one day, I made it to the last step. I followed the instructions, and there it was: I had solved it. It only took 2 weeks, but I solved it! I was so happy that I left it in its solved state for a day or two.

But solving it is the just the beginning of the obsession. How can these kids solve the cube in less than 30 seconds? Or blindfolded? Or one-handed? I'm a smart guy, I went to school. If they can do it, I can do it!

My fastest time is currently 3:43. And I know I can get faster. What's the point of all this? There is no point. I'm a nerd. That's it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Spartans! Prepare for Glory!

Recipe for for a blockbuster movie: Take 300 men who are absolutely ripped, and have them half-naked for the whole movie. That'll keep the women interested. Mix in a hot lead actress (Lena Headey). Add in hundreds of dead bodies, spears and swords, lost limbs, and bloodshed. Stuff to get the audience pumped with adrenaline.

Score the movie with a blend of symphony orchestra and ... hard rock?

Then, film your movie against green screen, giving it a very unique, surreal, and visually stunning appearance. Make a movie based on a Frank Miller comic book still feel like a comic book. Add a pinch of slow motion action and a dash of well choreographed fighting. Have some villainous characters that you love to hate.

Throw in a sex scene, a few gratuitous erotic dance scenes, and voila!

For those who missed out on 300 last Friday, I highly endorse this movie. When have I not picked a winner? Think about it.

Noteworthy antics:
  • Three hot dogs, popcorn, pop, and an icee? $30!
  • Chris pwn3d me in Tetris
  • One of my brother's coworkers came by to say hi. Shouldn't have done that while I was playing Tetris, son
  • After the movie, Chris walked away without saying bye. WTF?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

My first car

CathyAl are now car owners!

Yesterday we went to Mississauga Honda, and picked up a Civic sedan, in "tango red pearl" (pictured left). It has iPod integration standard, which is good when we start driving from Milton to Toronto.

Now we can do things that we couldn't with just our Metropasses, like:
  • Go to Shaun's for a surprise inspection of his place. I know that shit is messy Saturday to Thursday, and you only clean it when we come by on Fridays. I know it!
  • Go to poker at Mervin's place. I'm back britches!
  • Get chicken wings ... at All-Star ... on a Thursday.
  • Stakeout Chin and his ladyfriends
Next up is picking a custom license plate. Any suggestions? Beside my raptors logo (Ball above all) will be:
  • CATHYAL: This is the frontrunner. A little fob-ish, but so appropriate
  • ENTITY: Might scare drivers as we drive by
  • CIVICHE: TeamID would love it, but the Serbians might get offended
  • PWN3D: I hax0r3d your mom's ass last night ... Do I look like a JEDIMSTR?
  • OHPUNK: This belongs to TeamID, and ANYONE that tries to get this custom plate is selfish.
  • BALLABOVEALL: Damn, too many letters
  • RETRY: Retry? What the fuck is retry?
  • XMODEM: Although this theory was quite intriguing, again I ask: Do I look like a JEDIMSTR?
  • VISTASUX: But everyone should know that already
Thanks to Shaun and Brendan for coming with us to help pick the colour and negotiate the price down. Let's go for a drive!

Fashion retard

I needed to wear black for a funeral wake I was attending. My wife had already left for work, so I had to dress myself.

I dug into the closet and found a black v-neck that Bal and Mona gave me for Christmas. I put it on and it looked stupid. I think I'm supposed to wear something underneath.

But what can I wear under a black v-neck? Which of these shirts look good? Which ones look silly? I had to find out.

So I opened up Photobook and snapped this shot, then emailed it to my wife. "Does this look good?"

Thank God for my wife. And technology.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Dream home

Most of you already know this, but for the rest of you, we have exciting news...

We're moving back to the burbs!

Cathy and I have made a deposit on a new home in Milton. We're selling our condo, and we're going to live with Tito Ric once it's sold (and while we wait for our new home to be built).

The deposit ends about 2 months of searching. It was important for us to buy from a quality builder, somewhere either in Brampton, Mississauga, or Milton. But what was most important was the layout. You would be amazed how many wack layouts are out there. The one we settled on has everything we wanted. Done! The say never say never, but CathyAl are NEVER moving from this home.

Cathy and I are very excited about moving into this next phase in our lives. Being downtown and married without children has been fun. We've been able to vacation abroad, eat at the downtown restaurants, hang out in the entertainment district. We've also been able to put in late hours at work and build on our careers.

But of late, family and friends have proven more important to us. So important that we're moving closer to them (instead of being closer to work). So important that we've invited my mother-in-law to live with us. Having kids has also become a big priority for us.

Let the countdown begin...