Saturday, December 15, 2007

Review: I Am Legend

The poorly titled Will Smith flick, "I Am Legend", had a weak plot, a fairly predictable ending, poor computer graphics, and comic relief that was only marginally funny.

But it still scared the shit out of me. I really, really, really, don't need this kind of drama in my life. I don't need zombies jumping out of the shadows. I don't need suspense scenes without a soundtrack. Most importantly, I don't need my friends laughing and making jokes about me. I don't need it! Fuck!

So, in spite of all of the movie's pitfalls, I came out pumped and excited. All, in all, a good moviegoing experience.

If I were the last man on earth, I'd do things a lot differently:
- Walk the streets with more firepower. How about a machine gun at least? Or an RPG? Who's going to mess with you when you're packing that much heat?
- Move out of my house, and into a more high-level security facility. Then, even if zombies followed me home, it wouldn't matter. I'll invite them over, and watch them trip over my claymore mines. Surprise, bitches!
- Practice my jumpshot
- Watch more porn. No wonder he went crazy after 3 years, he didn't have any release!
- Set up a sick computer, so I could play all the PC games I could never play with my crappy AMD Duron processor. And, I got all the time in the world! Oh snap, I forgot to feed the dog!

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