I love Michael Bay movies for what they are: Hollywood blockbusters. They don't have the best writing, they don't showcase the best acting, they don't usually win any (important) Oscars, but when it's Saturday night and you're at the theatre, they do the trick.
I love The Rock. I love Armageddon. I love Bad Boys II. I love Jessica Alba too, but that's neither here nor there. When you have the budgets he commands, and can pull off the complex action scenes that he packs into his movies, who needs a plot? The formula for success: Car chases with expensive cars (that eventually get blown up), cheesy comedy, hot women, and melodramatic scenes with slow motion AND Hollywood orchestra music at the same time. Wicked!
The formula is put to the test with Transformers, which by the way was my most favouritetist cartoon of all time. You better not fuck this up Bay!
Alright, so what do we need again? We need to blow up expensive cars. Well, in an interesting twist, the Autobots ARE expensive cars, and they smash other cars (expensive and otherwise). Buildings also get smashed, and army bases too. Check!
We need hot women. Well, Megan Fox is a winner! Holy smack this girl is hot. This girl is smoking hot. The play-by-her-own rules troubled youth that she plays in the movie makes her even hotter. Look at these shots from an FHM photo shoot. Check!
Cheesy comedy is brilliantly supplied by Anthony Anderson, who has to be one of my favourite at this role. Remember him in Romeo Must Die? Check! There's also a great scene involving masturbation, and low-brow humour never gets old.
Finally, we need melodrama. Check, check, and check! I love it! How can you guys hate on the melodrama! It's hilarious! Remember, "We live together, we die together ... Bad boys for life"? Well, that's not in Transformers. But the movie has tons of scenes like that. And I laughed during each one.
The CG in the movie is first class. Unlike crappy CG efforts like The Hulk (aka the worst fucking movie of all time) and The Matrix Reloaded, I often times forgot that I was watching entire CG fight scenes. The trick is in the eyes, as you can read emotion when you look into a pair of eyes. The CG in the Transformer's faces was well done. Look at Bumblebee, he's so sad! Uhh, what I meant to say was, look at Jazz, he's so gangsta!
The icing on the cake for me was how well they were able to integrate elements from the original cartoon and animated movies. I was returned to my youth when Prime yelled out, "Autobots, Roll Out!", or Megatron whined, "You disappoint me again, Starscream". You did well, Bay, you did well. I guess I don't need to kill you after all.
Honourable mention goes out to that guy from Las Vegas, and Tyrese, for kicking ass. Oh yeah, and Bernie Mac, and that latino guy from Prison Break. Special mention should go out to Megan Fox, for her freakin hotness. Here are some more pictures:
Oh, yeah, and Linkin Park, for supplying the credits theme. They're sooooo emo.
Transformers gets a thumbs up from me, my wife, and the Twins, who didn't even watch the 80's cartoon (due in part to them not even being alive). Shame on you, anyone who told me that the movie was "alright", or "kinda sucked." You're obviously not real Transformers fans. Pwn3d1
Autobots, transform and roll out! You've got the light ... You've got the power!