Sunday, March 25, 2007

How to weasel your way out of a race


This is in general, of course, and not directed towards an individual. Today, we're going to learn how to come up with excuses you can use to get out of participating in an 8K race. Why would you not want to race? We'll there might be plenty of reasons:
  • You suck ass.
  • You told your friends you were doing mad cardio, but you were lying. And now they're going to find out.
  • You know that the loser of the race needs to pay for dinner. And you know you're going to lose. And you don't want to pay for dinner. Quite the predicament.
So now that we've established a bit of motivation, here is what you can do if one of the above applies to you:
  • Tell your friends you don't want to race. But they'll probably punk you. No, you need to be more clever than that...
  • Start the race, but don't finish it. Just cheat! Cut through the middle of the course, and voila!
  • Buy a condo the day of the race. Tell your friends that this was the last unit available. There's no way they can call you out. Consider a yacht for the year after. Why pay so your friends can eat, when you only have enough money for 1 bedroom plus den?
  • Book a vacation to Cuba a few weeks before the race. Make sure you double check the date of the race, and find a return flight that brings you back the night before. How could they ask you to participate? I mean, you work so hard at your job, you deserve a vacation, right?
  • Get "physiotherapists" to "warn" you about a potential "slipped disc" in your back. Pat yourself on the back ... but not in front of your friends, they might get suspicious. To throw them off your tracks, register for the race. They'll think, "he obviously can't be faking if he's willing to pay $40 to register." But you know better ... Dinner at a nice restaurant could cost like $200! You just saved yourself mad cash money!
On your mark, get set, go!

2 comments:

chinwhat said...

PWND1

Shaun said...

YOu know what.. f'y'all...

Seriously..

"Breath in..... breathe out..."