Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Second Coming


The beat is hypnotic. The desktop wallpaper at Nike Basketball is sick. Steve Nash looks a bit out of place, trying to mean mug for the camera, but that's alright. What is it about all that swagger on the screen that makes me want to dunk a basketball in someone's face (or at least elbow him in the face, which takes a lot less vertical leap, but has the same adrenaline pumping effect).

This ad campaign gets me pumped. I will buy whatever you're selling me Nike. I know, Mona, they're probably not good for my feet, but as Shaun would say*, "Thirst is nothing, image is everything. Obey your image." I want a white Nike jumpsuit and a pair of Air Force 25s. I want to play basketball in an airplane hangar, and then pose with my boys like, "What, bitch!"

What's that? That's Juelz Santana spitting? Shit! I hate Juelz Santana! Well, you almost had me Nike. I'll still put your commercial on my blog. Next time, get Keith Murray, or Mos Def, or Busta Rhymes to spit 16 for your commercial. Dip set? ugh.








* Shaun has never said this.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

What the fuck?

You can say that Windows is better than Mac OS X. I'll just call you ignorant.

You can say that you prefer Windows because that's all you know how to use. It's a safe choice for you. I'll just call you chicken (and a little slow).

But if you say that Windows is a quality OS, I'll call you a fucking moron. Windows is coded by a million monkeys. Quality assurance? Microsoft waits for the bugs/security vulnerabilities/interface blunders to surface after the product is released, and then they patch it, at our cost. Look at this email from my wife's work:

-----Original Message-----
From: ###### Singh
Sent: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 12:15 PM
To: ##### Singh
Subject: Notice: Outlook Day Light Savings Change


Over the next few weeks your PC will receive the Microsoft patch for the Day Light Savings (DST) change which takes affect March 11th 2007. As these patches are applied you will notice meetings previously booked in the period March 11th to April 1st and October 28th to November 4th are now one hour later in the calendar. These calendar entries will be updated when Microsoft releases the Daylight Savings Update Tool for Outlook later this month. When this tool is run, the meetings will be moved back one hour to their original start time. When this happens, Outlook will also generate meeting change notifications to all meeting participants. We are working with Microsoft to limit the impact of this change. The update will occur on a weekend after the release of the Update Tool. We will notify you of the specific date that we will run the tool once it is available.


- Windows Infrastructure

Amazing.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Bad Santa Winners and Losers

Every year, after all of our Christmas celebrations with family, Team ID gets together and has a special sit-down dinner, as well as a gift exchange. Most years, we've gone Kris Kringle: Pick a name in advance, and buy that person a gift. In 2005, we decided to switch to another popular format, nicknamed "Bad Santa."

What is Bad Santa? Well, you buy a gift and everyone places their gift in a pile. Then everyone draws numbers. Whoever draws number one picks a gift and opens it. Whoever draws number two has two options: Steal the gift from whoever picked first, or select a gift from the pile. As you continue later and later, mad punkage ensues, as people start stealing nice gifts from each other, and the unfortunate get stuck with crappy gifts that nobody wanted.

This is the basis of my blog today. Who came out winning in 2006? Who got stuck with gifts that homeless people wouldn't accept? Well, keep reading, geez, the answers are just in the next paragraph.

First, it would be helpful to see a complete list of who bought what (and who ended up with it):
  • Kev: Miracle Chopper 2000 (Al)
  • Shaun: DVD player that plays divx, Norton Antivirus, Expired brick of cheese (Chris)
  • Anth: British Office Season 1 on DVD (Ruby)
  • Chris: Two Nintendo DS games (Anth)
  • Cathy: Nintendo DS (Shaun)
  • Chin: Two tickets to watch Raptors vs Nuggets (Kev)
  • Me: Raptors warmup jersey (Chin)
  • Ruby: iPod Shuffle (Cathy)
The biggest winner: Shaun. We all know that Divx player came with a crazy discount from Tech Dizzle. We also know that you stole that Norton Antivirus from the office. And the brick of cheese ... well, it's a brick of cheese. And what did he end up with? A Nintendo DS? That you stole from poor, unsuspecting Ruby? You owe the karma gods huge next year, son!

Another big winner was Kev. Where the fuck did you get that miracle chopper? Probably a re-gift from friggin J Moffard or Radistan at the Bell company party. And you scored Raptors tickets? If you watch this video, at about the 40 second mark, you'll hear Maria tell Kev, "Hey, steal that one!" ... She was pointing at the Raptors tickets! See Kev, try to tell us you're not whipped after watching that evidence.

The biggest loser? Sorry Rubes, that goes to you. She spent pretty good money on that iPod, and after Shaun stole her Nintendo DS, she was stuck with The Office Season 1. I'm pretty sure it's a good show, but she wasn't having any of that. Fuck, it could be the best show I've ever watched, I wouldn't care, I just lost a Nintendo DS! To add a bit of controversy into the mix, Best Buy says The Office retails for $24.99. It was supposed to be a $40 minimum! Damn, Anth, if I knew you were this cheap, I would have voted for you instead of Alison for Frugality.

Lessons for next year (if we decide to stay on this format):
  • Don't forget, you can't steal back in the same round, but you can steal back in subsequent rounds. That means, Bay, that you could have taken those tickets back from Kev!
  • Try to come stronger with your gifts. Miracle chopper? We're not that old yet! What's next, aprons and recipe books?
  • Bring your receipt: You should be ashamed if you can't even spend $40 for your friends.
  • Minimum doesn't mean maximum. It only comes once a year, so spend some money you cheap bastards.
For you viewing pleasure, all 9 videos from our gift exchange are you YouTube:
Until next year!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Can anyone find a good review of Windows Vista?

Let's make like Easter and find some Easter eggs. Now that Windows Vista is realeased, can you find anyone writing anything positive about this OS? I bet you for every one you find I can find 10 more articles describing Windows Vista as "unimpressive", "not that different from XP", or even "doesn't work."

Here's one that I found interesting.

I still like the Xbox 360 though. I bet you can find good reviews for that bad boy. Good for you, Microsoft. Good for you.

Closet Fan

I admit it. Look at me. I love it. Grey's Anatomy is a hilarious, smart, and sexy show, and I am not ashamed to say that I watch it.

It has everything you would want in a television show: Quick and witty jokes. Check. Sexy girls? 3 or 4 checks. Hot sex scenes with sexy girls in them? Check. If you're looking for anything else, I'll call you a greedy bastard and slap you in the face.

Katherine Heigl kinda looks like Charlize Theron. So much, in fact, that I had to Google Grey's Anatomy to find out the actresses name. I just keep calling her Charlize.

Sandra Oh is also very hot. You wouldn't have guessed that the same place that produced dog-eater extraordinaire Jon Yu could give us a TV hottie, but I guess I've officially seen it all. I wonder if she could school me in Starcraft...

But the gem of the show is Dr. Callie Torres, aka Sara Ramirez (pronounced Sah-Rah ... why? I don't name them, I just love them). This girl is straight up delicious. The eyes, the booty, the "tits are for babies" ... gatdamn!

Now if I were A.I., I'd be like, "that girl is fat", which pretty much sums up 90% of the female population (in his opinion). Shoot, Calista Flockhart needs to go on a diet, right? But that's where he and I differ (that, and I make an effort to help my friends move). I like my women with meat. And Sara's got plenty of cushion for the pushin. Like my man Jay-Z says,

pretty, witty, girly, whirly
one who likes to party but come home early
light kinda dark, short sorta tall
slim, kinda thick I swear I love 'em all

So here's what I think you should do. I think you should watch Grey's Anatomy. Don't be ashamed. And I also think you should join the Sara Ramirez fan club. That, or risk being compared to A.I. What, you're too good to help your friend move? Think about it.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Christamas Day 2K6

I've posted my pictures from Christmas day with Cathy's family. More babies! More Nintendo Wii! More food! All in all, a good time.

Kesiah brought her boyfriend Kevin over. It was fun to be the intimidating adult type, and I milked it for all it was worth. I gave him a long, hard staredown, and when he started laughing, I asked him, "do you think this is funny?"

Click on the link to the left to see the pictures.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Las Vegas: The clean remix Vol. 3

Star Trek Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton: Nostalgia is cool. It hits you like two tons of bricks right on top of your head. "Damn, I remember that!" You know what I mean?

The Star Trek Experience was chock full of nostalgic goodness. It was hella expensive (On a side note, I was talking to Anth about this, and once he found out the price, he was like, "was it really worth it?" ... You're so fucking cheap A.I.!), but it got my excited about the show all over again.

There were ships hanging from the ceiling, Ferengi and Klingons walking around, and cool props from the TV shows and movies. They even had photon torpedoes. On the displays they would ask random Star Trek quiz questions, and I would tell Cathy the answers in my arrogant voice. "Psh, that's Picard, everyone knows that." Ah, the nerd in me was crying tears of joy. I was showing Cathy the Ferengi "rules of acquisition" book, and the Klingon dictionary at the souvenir shop. We agreed that "Both of these would be great for Shaun."

Cathy, despite not watching any Star Trek, told me she had a great time too. During one of the rides, called the Borg Invasion, they put on a pretty good show before they sat us in the theatre. So much so that Cathy was clutching my arm in fear. Geez Bay, don't you know that the Borg won't attack you unless they see you as a threat? Now hurry up, they might adapt to the modulating phaser frequencies!

I feel like buying ST:TNG DVDs and watching them all over again. I feel like picking up Deep Space Nine. I even feel like watching Voyager. Wait, scratch that last one. Fuck Voyager.

Lil Lex's recommendation: The next time you're in Las Vegas, stop by the Star Trek Experience. Nostalgia, bitches, the shit's ridiculous.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Apple iPhone, Oh Snap!

I just finished watching Steve Job's keynote address at the Macworld Expo. Rumour websites have been predicting for months that Apple was going to build a cell phone. Reports came out that Apple was patenting tons of inventions, and speculation was flying. But I don't think any of us could imagine this.


The iPhone is absolutely disgusting! A touchscreen, built-in accelerometer, Mac OS X, full web browser, pictures, movies, music ... oh yeah, and it makes phone calls too!

Even my man Shaun, who's hardcore hating on Apple, had this to say:

Alright, yeah I hate on mac and stuff.. But.. I'm buying this soon..

http://www.engadget.com/2007/01/09/the-apple-iphone/

Word.

WAR Selling out..

Sunday, January 07, 2007

My Amazing Weekend

... Ha, gotcha bitch! My weekend really wasn't that amazing, as the title suggests, but I'm learning to be more sensational a la someone we all know in Team Indecision.

Finished Legend of Zelda: This game absolutely rocks out, and its use of the Wii remote is also fantastic. 60+ hours of gameplay, puzzle intricacies that make sudoku look like word search, and a fishing mini-game (!) ... Doesn't have the graphics of Gears of War, though (sigh). Bay, can I buy an Xbox 360?

Met my brother's new dog: I spent Saturday afternoon with a cute puppy pug named Zoe. Oh yeah, and my brother, sister-in-law, and my wife. She is the cutest thing (I'm talking about the puppy, not my brother or sister-in-law or ... uh ... never mind). She has little eyes, little paws, but what she is big on is energy ... and as it turns out a lot of teeth. Dang, that hurts! Stop biting me you stupid dog! Ah, I love dogs. (In dopey voice, repeat after me) I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog.

What I'm thankful for is that my brother is doing the exact opposite of my parents. Crate training (to ensure the puppy learns to pee outside), A diet that only consists of dog food (to ensure the puppy doesn't get fat), etc. etc. What does that mean about my parents dogs? Do the math, homey.

Watched Children of Men: I'm probably going to do a more detailed post on this movie, so for now, you get the short version. This movie owns. Acting: owns. Directing: owns. Cinematography: owns. Score:owns. A very beautiful movie. Watch it ... now!

My wife falls in love with Cachet Homes ... again: Went to a sales office for Cachet Homes, which is one of our favourite builders. We checked out their sales office last year, and they're great. We went this weekend just for fun, cuz we're planning on moving to a bigger house and starting a family in the next two years. But my wife really liked one of the layouts. To tell you the truth, I really liked it too. The location is great, since we'd be 5 minutes from my brother. Hmmmmm.... Will CathyAl accelerate their schedule?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Las Vegas: The clean remix Vol. 2

More highlights:

Mad poker: We arrived in Las Vegas around 11PM PST (which is 2AM EST). Normal people check in to their hotel and go to sleep. CathyAl checked into their hotel, and looked for the poker room. 2AM tournament? Wicked! Two entrants, please. This is now 5AM EST for anyone not capable for doing simple time zone conversions.

After we both got booted (Cathy lost with pocket kings, and I lost with pocket sevens), I slept for 3 hours. Showered. Shaved. Dressed. All before my wife woke up. I made a bit of noise to wake her, and said something like, "I'll be in the poker room, come get me when you're ready to go out." Yes!

My highlight hand of the trip: The wife comes by, and I tell her, "I'm just going to play this hand, and then we'll eat breakfast." What do I have ... King Jack. Gross. I hate playing this hand. But this is my last hand, let's just play. The flop: King-King-Deuce. Gatdamn! After the hand is finished, I cash out, up almost $100 - Breakfast is on me!

Playing poker is a natural high. A few times I bluffed at a big pot. Once I went all-in on a bluff. Your heart starts racing. You stop breathing.

I learned my lesson from my trip in July. Lesson #1: don't play 2-4 limit. You attract nothing but garbage players. I only played no-limit this time. Lesson #2: Play within your limits. If you're losing too much of your bankroll, or you're tired, or even when you're up, you cash out.

Vegas 2K7, anyone?