Saturday, November 25, 2006

Wax in my ear

I'm trying to use more images in order to appeal to Shaun and his sales piggery. Why am I blogging about a diagram of an ear you may ask. We'll read on ... or get lost, either way I'm good.

So I get out of the shower one day, and decide, maybe it's a good day to clean my ears. I clean my ears a disgustingly infrequent once or twice every three months, and sometimes at work feel a 'plop' in my ear, to find a big ball of wax that was hanging for dear life but succumbed to the forces of gravity.

Well, it must have been more than 3 months, because once I stuck the Qtip in my ear, I got blockage. Kinda like CB (if you don't know what CB is, check out the teamID wiki, coming soon), except for my ear. My attempts to clear the blockage with my wax-infested swab only made things worse. Now, I'm starting to panic (pronounced pan-EACH), because I can't hear out of my right ear. For real. It felt like I had water in my ear. My equilibrium is all messed up.

I tried everything. I tried yawning, plugging my nose, pumping my ear, smacking my head. I kinda looked like a monkey. Nothing. I had to go to work with lack of hearing in one ear, and I was always turning my head when people were talking to me, in hopes of comprehending stuff with my 'good ear'. I even tried playing my music super loud, under the theory that the sonic waves would shake the wax into submission. Suffice it to say that the wax wasn't having it.

I tried reading online about ear blockage. Apparently, my mom wasn't the only one using a bobby pin to clear out ear wax. Did you do that growing up? Well, doctors (or should I say "doctors", this is the internet, you know) say you shouldn't put anything bigger then your elbow into your ear. Fuck, why didn't I read this shit BEFORE sticking a Q-tip in my ear?

So, the wife books an appointment for me to see the doctor. Using a bedpan, paper towels, and a big-ass water pump, he begins his procedure. The plan is to pump pressured water into my ear, using the natural force to push the wax out. The pump looks like a syringe. I look a little concerned. He warns me, "if it starts to hurt, let me know". WTF? I just want the wax out, I don't need no drama!

So he starts pumping, and it feels really weird. I got the sensation of flowing water ... behind my eyeball! Just when I'm about to tell him to stop, he's done. I take a look at the bedpan, and see 3 nuggets of wax, all around the size of a Nerd (pictured left).


I can now hear clearly out of both of my ears!

3 comments:

Rubex Cube said...

Yummy nerds!

jay said...

Hmm haven't had them Nerds in ages. Think it's about time to head to the convenience sto' to get me some of that good sh!t.

Thanks for the reminder!

P.S. You should clean your ears more often.

Shaun said...

Al, that's fucking Gross. Even by my standards... Gross.

Clean your ears daily son!

And if that fails... go swimming in a chlorine pool for a couple hours. When you get out.. you'll feel this black sludge pour out from your ear! "I can hear.. i can hear!"

Not that that happened to me or anything!

** Shaun **
My awesome blog: ohpunk.blogspot.com

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