Thursday, November 30, 2006

My trip to the mall

Usually dull and mundane, today I saw lots of weird stuff:
  • Santa was at the mall, but he wasn't taking pictures with babies. Today, he was taking pictures with dogs. I checked the floor to make sure I didn't step in shit. Then I checked his lap. "I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog"
  • My wife gets her eyebrows done at Trade Secrets. In the front there are hair products and makeup-like stuff. In the back, is an area for women (and Shaun) to get their eyebrows did. The area is about 3 feet by 3 feet, and houses 8 or 9 chairs, with one employee per chair. It looked like a sweat shop. Or a contest to pack people into a VW Beetle.
  • Overheard the protocol for those hoping to buy a Wii from an EBGames. "The shipping list gets printed at 9am every day. The lineup forms around 8:15am. Someone comes out and tells the lineup how many Wiis are available. The lucky ones keep waiting until 11." Can you believe that shit? "Hey, thanks for staying outside of our door for the last hour. We don't have any Wiis today, maybe y'all can try tomorrow." I guess I shouldn't be the one to talk.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Wax in my ear

I'm trying to use more images in order to appeal to Shaun and his sales piggery. Why am I blogging about a diagram of an ear you may ask. We'll read on ... or get lost, either way I'm good.

So I get out of the shower one day, and decide, maybe it's a good day to clean my ears. I clean my ears a disgustingly infrequent once or twice every three months, and sometimes at work feel a 'plop' in my ear, to find a big ball of wax that was hanging for dear life but succumbed to the forces of gravity.

Well, it must have been more than 3 months, because once I stuck the Qtip in my ear, I got blockage. Kinda like CB (if you don't know what CB is, check out the teamID wiki, coming soon), except for my ear. My attempts to clear the blockage with my wax-infested swab only made things worse. Now, I'm starting to panic (pronounced pan-EACH), because I can't hear out of my right ear. For real. It felt like I had water in my ear. My equilibrium is all messed up.

I tried everything. I tried yawning, plugging my nose, pumping my ear, smacking my head. I kinda looked like a monkey. Nothing. I had to go to work with lack of hearing in one ear, and I was always turning my head when people were talking to me, in hopes of comprehending stuff with my 'good ear'. I even tried playing my music super loud, under the theory that the sonic waves would shake the wax into submission. Suffice it to say that the wax wasn't having it.

I tried reading online about ear blockage. Apparently, my mom wasn't the only one using a bobby pin to clear out ear wax. Did you do that growing up? Well, doctors (or should I say "doctors", this is the internet, you know) say you shouldn't put anything bigger then your elbow into your ear. Fuck, why didn't I read this shit BEFORE sticking a Q-tip in my ear?

So, the wife books an appointment for me to see the doctor. Using a bedpan, paper towels, and a big-ass water pump, he begins his procedure. The plan is to pump pressured water into my ear, using the natural force to push the wax out. The pump looks like a syringe. I look a little concerned. He warns me, "if it starts to hurt, let me know". WTF? I just want the wax out, I don't need no drama!

So he starts pumping, and it feels really weird. I got the sensation of flowing water ... behind my eyeball! Just when I'm about to tell him to stop, he's done. I take a look at the bedpan, and see 3 nuggets of wax, all around the size of a Nerd (pictured left).


I can now hear clearly out of both of my ears!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Casino Royale review

I am a sucker for over-the-top action. Just read my review for MI:III. What's more over-the-top than a James Bond flick? Maybe Shaun's flamboyance, or Jon's retardation, but that's not what I came here to write about. Not today, at least.

Short review: This is a good Bond movie.

Slightly more detailed review: I like Daniel Craig as the new bond. I like sophisticated Bond girl Eva Green. I liked that opening action scene in Africa. I like it when shit gets destroyed. Like cars, construction sites, and buildings in Venice. I like ferrets against cobras. I like "you're not my type ... you're single". I like Ford and Sony propoganda.

What I don't like? Scripted poker drama. I don't like 4 players going all-in, all with premium poker hands. Do you know what the odds are of a flush, two full houses, and a straight flush, at the same time? Do you know what the odds are of pocket aces and pocket kings being dealt in the same hand? Ugh. It was just like Rounders. Gimme a break.

Anyways, watch this movie. Period.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sleepless weekend

It's the wife checking in:

I've been awake practically all weekend!

The weekend was kicked off with the annual Scotia "Christmas" party hosted by the traders. I have to admit it was probably the best one that I've attended in the 7 years I've been with the bank. Traditional drunkedness all around and we all know how I get when I drink...Catherine "Tornado" was in full effect.

My drinks of choice for the evening were Tequilla shots washed down with, Chris' favourite, Jack and Coke. After downing about 4 of each, I decided I was well enough to join Team ID to view the new James Bond flick.

My, my, my...Daniel Craig is pretty sexy. Sorry Pierce Brosnan, but Mr. Craig pwns you on the body department. Y'all know what seen I'm talking about. While the members of Team ID (with penises winced), I was enjoying Mr. Craig buck - necked!!!! Awesome!!! Finally got home at 3am and crashed.

The following morning, I woke up early to get a head start on my housework. However, I couldn't start my day without my usual Saturday morning walk. My husband and I walked to the local bakery (Mystic Muffin). Their apple cake is sick. I think this should be my husband's contribution to the cake party, seeing that the sales pig owner is usually successful in up selling my husband from a slice of cake to a WHOLE cake. PWND!! For example, if I go there by myself, the owner will say "Where's the Big Guy, I want to sell a cake" OP!

Once all of this was out of the way, I thought I would rest up for fight night. Pacman vs. Morales. Morales is another fine example of the opposite sex by the way (that's right fuckers, I had to specify Morales to avoid your fob boy punkage). Anyways, I figure I'd start getting ready for the fight. I hear Alexis and Jon talking. WTF??? The fight's on Sunday???!!!! This doesn't make sense. After several searches and calls to Rogers, we found out the fight was playing on HBO at 1:30 SUNDAY MORNING!!! Shrug, what can you do???

On a side note, Rogers sucks because:

1. Their customer service phone number takes voicemails

2. The above service replied to the voice mail almost 12 hours after the fight aired. You dummies, our voicemail wanted to know what channel the fight was airing on...ghetto.

Anyways, most of Team ID came by (minus Chris who had a date with lady XBOX 360) to watch the fight/Raps. Raps lost. Let's move on. $50 dollars later, the fight was finally available at Casa Torreno. The undercard sucked but Pacman and Morales delivered. Awesome!! Aside from Jon, I think I'm the biggest boxing fan in Team ID. Don't know why I like watching it, but it's wicked. Especially when you have a 4 foot nothing filipino guy brawling with a "haaaandsome" Mexican.

Boxing ended at 5am Sunday morning, Team ID left and the husband and I walked to Best Buy. That's right. We tidied up a bit and headed to our local Best Buy to line up for the Nintendo Wii. It was effing cold!!!! but fun. For example, roaming the streets downtown in the "wii" hours of the morning sometimes invites unwanted/special guests. For example, I had to do some business, so I walked to the nearest Tim Hortons (while my husband held our spot in line). When I was done, I walked out and noticed my shoelace was untied. I bent down to untie it and some random guy came out of nowhere (on a bike) and started talking to me. Actually, he kinda looked like a cross between Anth and that white guy Darrell from high school (check your yearbooks). Anyways, he "biked" back with me most of the way and was hating on Tim Hortons. He was telling me how they have nothing on "fine establishments" like Coffee Time. WTF??? Leave me alone!!!

Anyways, Best Buy was doing so well in co-ordinating this event, from line-ups to ticket distribution. We were 160 of 300. Still good, until.....they decided to bring everyone into the waiting area. Someone effed up. Instead of opening the doors in the indoor entrance, random Best Buy employee announces "We won't be letting you guys in through these doors. Instead, we will be using the main entrance" Big mistake. All 300+ plus people make a mad dash for the main entrance. Laugh. Effing nerds. One of them actually yelled out "Zerg rush"!!!

After another hour in line, my husband became the proud owner of the Nintendo Wii. Finally, we can go home. But not yet. After a little rest, we had to meet our family for lunch.....urghhhh....so sleepy. We finally get home around 4pm and he opens up the Nintendo.

It's awesome!!! Boxing and Tennis pwns!!! Who needs a gym membership when you have a Wii. My shirt was soaked after playing a few games. Laugh!!!

Anyways, it's 10pm on Sunday night. I think it's time I get some sleep this weekend.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Early birthday gifts! I love it!

First, I got a new camera one month early. My sister was paranoid that I would want to return it.

Yesterday, due to paranoia that I might buy my mother-in-law's gift before my birthday, she decided to follow suit. I'm getting a Nintendo Wii tomorrow! Ah, I remember when my wife spilled the beans. I was talking to her about going to Best Buy early Sunday morning to see if I can pick up a Wii, and she got pissed! "Why are you going to go so early, that's so stupid!" she told me. What the? Why are you so mad?

Thanks, mom, you're the best mother-in-law in the world! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to learn how to play Twilight Princess:

Friday, November 17, 2006

This is for you, Shaun!

Don't say I never do nothing for you! I found you a dating website, where you can get hooked up with other science fiction fans! Look, that's you in the picture!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Wish list 2K6

I don't want any presents for my birthday this year. For real. I'm getting old. No more presents. No need to buy my love. For real. Disclaimer: Alexis Torreno does not endorse any gift purchasing of any kind.

With that being said, here's a list of cool stuff I wish I had :)
  • Nintendo Wii Remotes: They're expensive! I get one when I buy my Wii next week, but extra ones cost $45. And the nunchuck attachment costs $25. But when our arms are flailing around playing a game of doubles tennis, it'll all be worth it!
  • Nintendo Wii Games: The Wii is going to change first-person shooters on the console. Far Cry, or Call of Duty 3, anyone?
  • Toronto Raptors tickets: Fuck Anthony Irving. He doesn't know the difference between the high post and the short corner. He doesn't know the defensive 3 in the key rule. Give me free Raptors tickets from your client, Jon! Raps look good this season.
  • Toronto Raptors gear: I love the Raptors claw logo. How come after all this time being a Raptors fan, I don't have any Raptors gear to wear?
  • Deutschland Jersey
  • Airport Express: Allows you to wirelessly stream your music from iTunes to your home stereo speakers. For me, that means the Altec Lansing speakers I stole from Chris!
  • Camera Tripod: So that I can take pictures without needing to ask some random stranger. Everytime I give my camera to some no-name guy, it turns out blurry. Fuck! Learn how to use a digital camera!
  • Nintendo DS Lite: I've been bitten by the DS bug! If the Wii wasn't coming out this week, I would have bought one already.
  • External HD: The downside to buying a laptop is that I have a small harddrive. Having an external one would allow me to move some thangs. Like this video of Shaun singing Karaoke.
  • Gift Card to RW & Co.: I wrote about this last year, and ain't a damn thing changed! I heart RW & Co. Their clothes look good, and it isn't Banana Republic expensive. The only thing better would be to work at Harry Rosen folding clothes so you can pick up a sick discount. Damn you Chris!
  • DL Incognito Albums: This guy is a sick lyricist. The only problem is that he's Canadian, and nobody knows him, or cares about him, or buys his music. Which means he's harder to pirate. Which means I'd have to actually buy his album to listen to it. And that's expensive. Sigh
  • New Poker Chip Set: I have the cheapy Wal-Mart brand. I wish I had a better set. and I wish I played more poker. And won more. Definitely. Sigh.
  • New Poker Books: I'll read them, and then I can win more. Right? Sigh.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Thursday, November 09, 2006

On Rotation

I've been listening to a lot of new music lately. I thought it might be fun to let you know which albums stay on rotation, and which ones I hate on. Let's begin!

Janet Jackson: 20 Y.O.
Since Jay Tse might be reading this, I gotta choose my words carefully, or he may come after me. Janet's new album is very fun, and easy to listen to. Hit singles "Call on Me" and "So Excited" will get tons of play in the clubs. How many times have you heard Jermaine Dupri on the radio lately? "Y'all know what this is!" This album is a keeper



John Legend: Once Again
Straight up soulful goodness. The shit that makes you want to go to church. Or get in bed and do the nasty. How did he get both of those emotions into the same album? This gets heavy rotation.





Lupe Fiasco: Food & Liquor
I really love this album. Excellent production on every track, like "Kick, Push", "The Cool", and "The Emperor's Soundtrack", make this a must-have hip-hop album. But what really makes Lupe stand out are his witty, intelligent, and sometimes cryptic lyrics. His album is a backlash to the current state of hip-hop, which is polluted with gangsta lyrics and jiggy lifestyle. It also speaks out on American politics, Deadbeat dads, and ... skateboarding? Black people do that? "Kick, push, coast!" He quotes the Prophet Mohammed: "The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr."




Diddy: Press Play
Garbage. Other than his one single (which is only good because Pussycat Doll's Nicole Scherz-whatever is in the video), this album had nothing for me. I only listened to it once.





Ludacris: Release Therapy
I think I'm finally growing up when it comes to the music I choose. I remember listening to 50 Cent's "The Massacre", and thinking to myself, "self, this don't sound too good." Gangsta rap was cool to listen to, because you were living a fantasy. I want to drive an Escalade. I want big booty hos. I want an iced out grillpiece, low-hanging, blinged out chain, Fendi bag, ya heard me! But now, shit's played out. It's getting boring to listen to.

I think Ludacris is growing up as well. His album is a mix of #1 hits (and soon to be #1 hits) "Moneymaker" and "Grew up a Screw Up", along with some interesting introspective tracks, like "Freedom of Preach" and "Runaway Love." He's hasn't completely changed though.

"and i'm gonna pour patron, 'til i
get 'em in the zone, then i'll
get 'em all alone, 'til i
make 'em wanna bone"

That's funny! Yeah, I haven't completely changed either. Run that back!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My laptop pwnx0rs

What do you do when your friends change your ESPN Fastbreak team? You cry like a bitch, that's what you do! Ah, poor Shaun.

He had no ammunition with his retaliation, so he had to resort to calling my laptop names, and come up with cheesy captions. Well, here are some other names for my laptop: How about Wired Test Magazine's "Best of Test"? That's right, The 15-inch Apple Macbook Pro beat out Gateway, HP, Sony, and Toshiba. And the 17-inch Apple Macbook Pro was named best desktop replacement laptop.

What about your laptop, are you on the list? "Hi, I'm Shaun, I'd rather have a shitty IBM Thinkpad than an Apple Macbook Pro"

GTFOOHWTBS!

Monday, November 06, 2006

General tips, speed up bittorrent, parallels and vpn

This post is not for my regular readers. But I felt a responsibility to share these things that were frustrating me in the hopes the Google indexes this page and it helps others.

How to speed up bittorrent if you have a router
Bittorrent was running sooooooo slow for me. I figured something must be wrong. 2.4 K/s? I've got a high speed net connection! So I searched and came across this post.

The trick is to allow port forwarding on ports 6881 to 6889 in your router's config. After I did that, boom! Fast website piracy!

How to see Windows from your Mac when using Parallels
After installing Parallels and Windows, things were good. I had successfully transitioned to the Mac, with Windows close by just so I can have some stuff that I need for work. But the ironic thing is that what I needed for work caused my setup to break. I installed the Cisco VPN client for Windows. Even without being connected, it has a service running that hides Windows from other machines on the network (i.e. my Mac).

To fix this, just uninstall the VPN client on Windows, and install the VPN client on OS X instead. Worked for me!

Goetz Reunion


Everyone else blogged about our 10-year reunion on Saturday night, so I won't. Instead, I present you with this video from Tremendous after we took off.

This fortune cookie was hilarious too. Retry (pronounced reh-tree). What the fuck is retry?

I got hardcore itis after we left. Knocked. the fuck. out.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Epiche Sellout...

Mrs. Lex here:

Team ID was out for their usual Friday dinner. The plan: pick-up dinner, watch the Raps at Shaun's parents' place and go to the theatre to catch Borat.

Things I learned tonight:

1. Shamity and Hate are genetic.

Shaun's shamity was in full effect. First, he feels obliged to buy us dinner since we bought him dinner when he came to our place on Wednesday. Ghetto. To make it worse, he buys the dinner to bring to his parents' place (knowing full well that he told his parents we were coming over. As a result, Mrs. Sequeira made us dinner (spaghetti and carrot cake)) Double ghetto. Anyways, to get to my point:

Shaun's dad comes down to get some chicken. Dialogue goes as follows:

Dad: I'm just gonna grab some chicken
Shaun: Maybe you should bring some chicken up for mom too
Dad: Why??? If she wants chicken she should come down herself
Shaun: Why doesn't she come down
Dad: She's just too shy. Too bad for her. If she doesn't want to come down...what is she scared...scared of Alexis!!!???

Laugh...Shaun gets shamity from his mom and hate from his dad.

Now to get to the topic of my post.

Congratulations to the Raps for winning their home opener. We head out to the the theatre. Me and my #1 and #2 hubby in one car. Gwylo and Brown in another car. The parking lot is packed!!! Everyone wants to see Borat. We were searching high and low for a parking spot. All of a sudden the hubby #2 blurts out: "Hey, there's Anth!!!" I turn to look and find him getting in the car while his lady friend sits in the passenger seat. WTF??? Did he just sell us out of Borat!!! Did he just watch the movie after practically ejaculating over email about how he wanted to come with us tonight. No effing way!!! So we wedge him into his parking spot and start honking the horn. We had to get a spot....

So we find a parking spot close by and our newly christened casual Team ID member (C-TIM) makes a mad dash out of the parking lot. Ghetto. So I start yelling "Sellout", "You suck, Anth".

We enter the theatre and share the news with the rest of Team ID (and friends). Let the hate begin. Everyone who had a cell phone sent crazy text messages and left voicemails with C-TIM. Suddenly, my husband's phone rings. His number shows up on the call display. Alexis answers the phone and a lady is on the other line. Smack-tacular.

Alexis: Hello?
Alexs: Who is this?
Alexis: Is this who you sold us out for?

At this point, Shaun's CB motor started and he grabbed the phone. During this time, Sellout took the phone from his lady friend and pretended he couldn't hear the other person on the line. Shaun said he said "Hello?....Hello?"...and then click!!!

Oh man....let the smack begin. Where's your loyalty now?

I now declare the Fall-in-Line Initiative active and in full effect. I'm not speaking for everyone. This is just from me. If you don't want to come just say so. Do what Jon does. Tell the truth about what you're doing...Chin, Chris and dare I say, Shaun. At least, he tells us if he's going to chill with other people. I understand you guys are looking for new relationships but does that mean you abandon your old ones. I don't know. You guys are perfectly entitled to hang out with whomever you choose, but if you're going to call me your friend, you need to show some effort. I'm not saying make it to every Friday dinner but who says you can't make it to at least one during a month. Don't pussy around with these tummy ache excuses. At first, I missed you. You may think this is me going all "Oprah" on you. I don't care. You may be reading this with a smirk on your face. I also don't care. Jon told me once, I'm a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I'm calling it like I see it. I personally am tired of the excuses. As someone once told me "That is why you fail". Call or email...doesn't matter. I'll answer. The ball is in your court now. I'm not gonna give you another chance to sell me out.