Sunday, August 27, 2006

I hate Microsoft

At my old job, whenever the hardware died, we would call Ross. He was a really laid back, knowledgeable, and funny guy. He once called Windows "The Wal-Mart of operating systems", which is the most succinct description of Microsft's horrible OS that I've ever heard.

Everybody knows this right? Well, not my friend Kev. He once wrote to me:
Microsoft designed Windows and got the IT industry to what its today.
Without Microsoft....there would be no Google.

You can thank your job to Microsoft...what now?

And now, the retort. I did not think I would ever need to write about how much Windows sucks. But Kev, due to your ignorance, I need to school you. This is the second time for you, after my Gmail owns Hotmail post. The fact is, Microsoft is actually holding us back. We would be so much further ahead if the majority of computers had a real operating system. You know why everyone has Windows? Because anyone can buy cheap hardware and slap a copy of Windows on it. Because MS Office was lucky enough to win the office suite war. Not because Microsoft is this innovative think-tank. Not because Windows is better than Mac OS. Simply put: we're forced to use Windows. Let's review:

Security: Aren't viruses great? I have Norton Internet Security and Webroot Spy Sweeper installed, and boy am I happy I have close to a gig of RAM, because those two apps use up a ton of memory. Why do viruses exist? Well, mostly due to security vulnerabilities in Windows and Microsoft apps like MS Word and MS Internet Explorer. Every week I seem to see a new patch to close off some kind of security hole. I would have given you credit if you told me Microsoft got the anti-virus industry to where it is today.

Instant messaging, web browsing, media playing, office application ... all stolen. Remember ICQ? Remember when Netscape was the only web browser? I still miss AmiPro. I was better off with all of these apps. Except they all disappeared, and I was forced to switch to their lesser cousins. And all of them are absolutely bloated with features that nobody uses. What's new since Word '95? Well, it uses an extra 128MB of memory. That's always useful (<- sarcastic, you fuck!) Here is an interesting video from Steve Job's Keynote address at the Worldwide Developer's Conference. It points out that everything making Windows Vista a landmark upgrade basically already exists in OSX. Instant Search is Spotlight. Aero is Aqua. Flip tab is a ghetto version of Expose. Internet Explorer 7 is a mix of Firefox and Safari RSS. Microsoft Mail is Mail. Microsoft Calendar is iCal. OSX came out in 2001! Vista, whenever they can kill the thousands of bugs plaguing the beta, will come out sometime next year. Six years later -- who got the IT industry where?

Stability: Remember when Windows 98 crashed during its public demo? You ever need to reformat your computer because it takes too long to boot up? Remember the blue screen of death? Why is it that after 4 major releases since Windows 95, the OS still crashes?

I'm a web developer - and Microsoft didn't invent the internet. In fact, they haven't invented anything, they stole it! And then made a really shitty facsimile that was either really cheap, or free, was full of bugs and security holes, but somehow crippled the competition. So no, I won't thank Microsoft for my job.

Wow. Getting that off my chest felt real good.

Friday, August 25, 2006

One-Handed 3x3x3 Rubik's Cube solve (20.09 seconds solve)

I can't solve a rubik's cube with two hands and two days.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Lil Lex at the company party

So the company decides to organize a boat cruise along the T-dot harbour. Free food, free liquor, how does one say no? Well, the fact that you are trapped with your co-workers for 4 hours, with no opportunity to bail out (unless you can swim like a fish and have a waterproof case for you iPod Nano) tends to make you think twice about a boat cruise. What do you talk to your co-workers about other than work? Small talk about sailing, the weather, the Toronto harbourfront, and your coworkers feelings on their workload can only go so far. "Uh, so, how was the party last year? Oh yeah, that's good." [shudder]

I had a great time that night. The food was great, and despite having limits on our alcohol (we were initially given 3 drink tokens), I was able to score enough extra tokens to get my buzz on. After the sun set, they opened the dance floor and the DJ played enough good music to keep me on the floor right until the boat docked at the end of the night. I heart Biggie Smalls "Hypnotize" by the way. and Sean Paul "Temperature" ... I had to look up the lyrics online so that I could sing along.

The next day, everyone came to work fucked up. I saw people log into messenger as late as 10:30. I was really tired, but fortunately, not hungover, thanks to not wasting time with mixed drinks. Straight shots homey, get up on it! My attempts to corrupt non-alcohol drinkers were foiled. Watching me stagger around and talk incoherently probably didn't motivate them much.

Good times, let's do it again soon!

Thursday, August 17, 2006


I'm so buying this jersey. If you can find someone selling it, Buy it, and I will pay you an extra 10%. Look at this guy, he's "hooked on a feeling!"

Oh snap! Representing Deutschland to the fullest!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Nike Basketball Commercial [Extended]

Remember this?


One of the best places in the city for chicken wings is Duffs at Bayview and Eglinton. These guys don't fuck around. They come with the heat! They taunt you with their two hottest sauces: Death ... and Armageddon.

The first time I went to taste their chicken wings, I ordered medium. What do I look like, a bravestar? I told myself, "self, you'll just go up the ladder slowly." Last friday, I went with the wife and her youngest cousins. It was the perfect opportunity to upgrade to medium-hot.

An interesting offering on Duffs menu is Armageddon sauce on the side for 2 bucks. You can front like a bigshot, and chicken out (pardon the pun) if you can't take the heat. One please! They make it a big event, firing up the ceiling mounted sirens and everything.

I took one dip and bit in. A few seconds later, the sting sets in on my tongue. Sweat on my forehead. Instant runny nose. My wife looks at me and says, "your eyes are red." Then my teeth go numb. This is still after only one bite! I was supremely owned.

As an experiment, I started dipping potato wedges with just a touch of the hot sauce, and fed it to each of the kids. Ah, the looks on their faces. Evil? yes. Entertaining? bet.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Taste of Dan-fizzorth

The tradition stays alive one more year, no thanks to white water rafters and euro-hags abroad. Oh yeah, and lazy-ass Koreans.

Representing for TeamID were the entity and good mornin' Alison (aka Miss Pac-Man). While y'all probably don't want to hear about my battle with defecation, it was a sign that there good eats to be had in 2K6. The highlight of the night: Strawberries and whipped cream from Il Fornello. Gatdamn!

Honorable mention goes to a group of teens that we run into at the park. One is obviously heavily intoxicated (aka smashed out of his mind). While his friends mock and question his manhood, he retorts, "shut up, you guuuys are used to it, I'm NOT!" He proceeds to stumble to the floor and hold his defeated head in his hands.

Also, a bag sitting on top of a garbage can attracted the attention of bomb-panicked police officers. Alison notes that there are funnel cakes nearby. "I don't give a fuck" I tells her. "Let's go."

Damn you for making me battle the bridge! Broadview station was right thurr. And I couldn't commit suicide either.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 5

If you ever get the chance to visit Las Vegas, I recommend making a trip to the Gun Store. This place has all your weapon needs. But for those of us just visiting, and unable to carry weapons on an airplane, you are not out of luck. In the back there is a firing range, and for $40US you can take the weapon of your choice to the back and shoot the shit out of a paper target!

You can choose just about anything, from handguns, to shotguns, to automatic rifles! Studio gangstas such as myself can now rap about bussin caps, and not be lying (for real son, I buss a cap in that fool!)

My weapon of choice was the Glock. The guy asked me what caliber weapon I wanted. I told him, "the biggest you've got." Mistake #1. A .45 caliber weapon should only be handled by someone strong enough to handle a .45 caliber weapon. Lesson learned (i.e. pwned).

I have never experienced anything like firing a gun. When you hear the sound, and feel the recoil, you know you're not fucking around. It was exciting, but at the same time scared the shit out of me. I had to listen to everything the dude was telling me, cuz I wasn't about to shoot my toe off!

$40 bought me 50 rounds. After I unloaded my first clip, I started to get comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. For my second clip, I decided to fire 5 rounds in rapid succession. The dude who was watching us was not impressed. "It's not about how fast you can shoot, it's about hitting the target. This isn't the movies." Oh punk.

What's really wicked are the little things. Like loading the clip. Or loading the first bullet into the chamber. Or unjamming your gun by releasing the bullet. Gangsta.

For an extra $1.25 you get your choice of target. I chose this al-qaeda looking terrorist. My very first shot was a lucky fluke: Got the guy right between the eyes. I got to keep my target, and if you check it out, you can see when I started to get bored and started shooting the dude in the nuts.

Gun Store, son. Gun Store.