The tower suites at the Wynn Las Vegas are mothafuckin sick-tacular. I have never been at a hotel this schwanky my whole life. Let me break this shit down for you:
- Marble entryway
- Two washrooms
- Living room
- Master washroom is about as big as the bedroom
- textured walls
- paintings on display
- 2 plasma TVs (one in the living room, one in the bedroom playing HDTV (not like ghetto Shaun)
- 1 LCD TV in the washroom
- Mirrors on the ceiling
- DVD player
- Doorbell outside
- 4 hinges on the door (who needs 4 hinges?)
Even the stand-up shower was super-sized. I felt like a king ... I stayed in there longer than usual, giving my balls the thorough royal wash. The TVs were hooked up to some kind of media center, so when we turned it on, it had my name on it ("Welcome Alexis Torreno"). Fucking right!
The suites were so high class that there was a separate registration area, and a separate set of elevators. The entryway was guarded at two spots by security. It actually took all of our brainpower to sneak in 8 extra guys and their bags without tipping off security or the ladies at the check-in desk that we were in a suite for 2.
The rest of the hotel was just as swanky as our room. It was the re-dirk-ulous. When they designed it, they were probably thinking, "how can we take something small and make it glamorous?" They had a spiral staircase ... escalator!
The US National basketball team was practicing in Las Vegas, and we suspect they were staying at the Wynn. My brother's friends say they saw Dwayne Wade. Me? I stood outside waiting for a cab beside Bruce Bowen. What a rip-off. I think I can take him.
And we all know about American TV. We ended up spending just as much time in Cuba watching MTV2 as we did on the beach. Well, in Vegas, they had...