Sunday, December 31, 2006

Christmas Eve 2K6

Christmas used to be about presents. I was always excited about how much money my aunts and uncles were going to give me. And what kind of toys I could buy on boxing day.

But now, in my "old age", I see Christmas in a different light. It's all about the kids. Look at them, they love it!

Christmas Eve with my family was all about Phoenix, Corona Rose, and the newest addition, Ayaan (pictured left). Click on the link to check out my pictures.

I also scored mad Nintendo Wii games! I haven't even opened some of them. And I brought my Wii over, the cousins loved it. We didn't leave until 2AM.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Hot to death

Ciara's video for "Promise" is soooooooo hot! Wait for the scene where everyone has their back on the wall gyrating their hips. Oh dear!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Las Vegas: The clean remix Vol. 1

My third trip, and the second this year ... man I love Las Vegas! Something about this place is magical. I can play poker at 2AM, check out a white tiger at 10:30, drink liquor while walking down the strip, watch a Cirque du Soleil show at 9:00PM and play Keno from my table while I'm eating a late night dessert! We were barely in our room, as CathyAl averaged 4-5 hours of sleep per night.

Cathy had never visited before, so we did a ton of sightseeing. We visited the hotels along the strip, from the Wynn Las Vegas all the way to Mandalay Bay. The grandeur of these hotels amazed us both, as did the painstaking attention to detail. Crown molding, mosaic tiles, fresh flowers. Gatdamn!

The Bellagio fountain show, the volcano eruption at the Mirage, the Fremont St experience, so much to see and do! And in just 3 days, we managed to pack in a lot. Here are some highlights:

Cole Haan: We saw a Cole Haan store at the Fashion Show Mall, and went in to check out the high heel shoes with Nike Air technology. They were featured on my baby's favourite show, Oprah (which, by the way, I only watch because she watches it). She was so scared to try them on, because she knew if she really liked them, she would have bought them. I asked her, "couldn't you try them on, and have the self control to not buy them?", to which she quickly replied, ".... no."

White Tiger at the Mirage: We've seen tigers on TV, but seeing one with your own two eyes really puts the fear of god in you. This thing was huge! And no, Jon, you could not outrun this guy. Despite being raised by Sigfried and Roy, this tiger wasn't a pansy.

Some immigrant character beside me thought it would be cool to growl like a tiger and make a motion with his arm that looked like he was clawing at his prey (you know what I'm talking about, you do it too). It made me jump, as I am easily startled. And then Cathy started laughing at me. Fucking guy, what the fuck are you doing? Do you think the tiger is scared of you growling at her? She'll fuck you up ... and if she doesn't I'll gladly take care of you myself!

The view from Stratosphere: Back in the T-dot, we don't see mountains off in the horizon. So standing at the top of the Stratosphere tower, and seeing that you are in the desert (aka the middle of nowhere) bordered on all four sides by mountains, is quite a majestic sight.

More highlights in my next post, but until then you can check out the photo album.

Holiday Laziness

Sorry for not posting in a long time, but between our trip to Las Vegas, and the annual holiday parties, I have been too busy (or is it too lazy?) to blog.

In the next few days, I've got a lot of posts planned out. But for now, it's back to Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess. Game of the Year? Just might be!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

My crazy Tita Tess

Cathy's aunt, Tita Tess, is crazy.

"How crazy is she, Al?"

Setting: A day or two after my birthday. I'm at home, and I get a phone call. "Happy birthday! I baked you cake!" It's Tita Tess. Wow, that's so nice. I know Tita Tess makes delicious cakes (not the unbaked variety, Chin, you'll need to wait until she reaches 18, the age of Chinsent), so like any birthday boy would do, I'm all about gimme gimme gimme!

"I'll come over and drop it off", she says. Bonus! 20 minutes later, we head downstairs and meet up with Tita Tess.

What happens next was recorded for posterity. Unbelievable!

She didn't bake me a cake, it was for two-year-old Dillon! And it was eaten! And she served it up with whatever leftovers she could pack up and pawn off to her unsuspecting niece and nephew! What's worse, according to the wife, Tita Tess is going to ask us for payback. We owe her! This was a favour! I am using a lot of exclamations!


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Heavy Rotation

Track #2 sums it all up. Oh ... my .... god ... Hov!

Jay-Z's out-of-retirement masterpiece, Kingdom Come, is one of two albums that I've been listening to for the last three weeks (the other one is Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor). For real. This album is sick.

Backed by the team of hip-hop super-producers Just Blaze, Dr Dre, The Neptunes, Kanye West, and Swizz Beatz, Kingdom Come sounds like a Jay-Z album, while still sounding progressive and fresh. Just Blaze tracks have lots of crash cymbals and a jazzy feel. "Trouble" sounds like something for Linkin Park. The Neptunes sound like ... well, it sounds like the Neptunes ... what do you want?!

And although he has never been (nor does he become) the best lyricist to ever spit on a track, he is definitely one of the only rappers that can talk as much smack as he does, because he can back it up. In "30 something" he writes:

I'm, young enough to know the right car to buy yet grown enough not to put rims on it
I got that six-duce with curtains so you can't see me and I didn't even have to put tints on it
I don't got the bright watch I got the right watch
I don't buy out the bar, I bought the night spot

Jiggaman seems to be more responsible and reflective. He's wise like old man Jon. In "Minority Report", Jay talks about the aftermath from Hurricane Katrina. In particular how poorly managed the rescue efforts were. In "Lost One", he questions whether he was responsible for the car accident that killed his nephew. Too many hip-hop albums are 12 tracks of braggadocio, but Kingdom Come comes with something more.

And the gem of this album is his collaboration with Coldplay's Chris Martin, titled "Life is a Beach Chair." Coldplay and Hova? Oh snap! Only the god MC can pull this off. It's the ROC!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

"I woke up early on my born day..."

Saturday night I got together with my friends to celebrate my 28th birthday. Since my birthday is only two days from my friend Chris', we always celebrate our birthday together. So, Saturday night I got together with my friends to celebrate our 28th birthday. You fucking pricks.

Anyways, the Raptors won, which was a great birthday present. And I got to eat fried chicken. And black forest cake. And play Nintendo Wii and Nintendo DS. Simple pleasures for a simple man.

I was thoroughly impressed by Rob's wife, Elaine. She knew Andrea Bargnani's scoring average. She remembers who the Raptors played two weeks ago. Truest Raptors fan? Just might be. A bigger fan than Shaun, who can't pronounce Baron Davis' name. It's Bare-en, not Barong without the g. What are you, filipino?

I was also impressed by Ruby's ability to box. As well as Mona. I feel sorry for whoever marries these two! (damn ... Sorry Bal).

A lot of thanks are in order. Thanks to all y'all for coming out. Thanks to Chin for hosting and cooking some Lasagna. Thanks to Shaun (aka the chair-MAN) for picking up that card and getting everyone to sign it. Which reminds me, Chris, we got a card from everyone. Thanks to my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for hooking us up with some food. Thanks to everyone that listened to me and didn't buy me a gift. But... thanks also to those that got me something. I'm very blessed to have y'all as friends.

Most of all, thanks to my very special wife, for always taking care of me. You are the love of my life. Another successful birthday party in the books!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

My trip to the mall

Usually dull and mundane, today I saw lots of weird stuff:
  • Santa was at the mall, but he wasn't taking pictures with babies. Today, he was taking pictures with dogs. I checked the floor to make sure I didn't step in shit. Then I checked his lap. "I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog"
  • My wife gets her eyebrows done at Trade Secrets. In the front there are hair products and makeup-like stuff. In the back, is an area for women (and Shaun) to get their eyebrows did. The area is about 3 feet by 3 feet, and houses 8 or 9 chairs, with one employee per chair. It looked like a sweat shop. Or a contest to pack people into a VW Beetle.
  • Overheard the protocol for those hoping to buy a Wii from an EBGames. "The shipping list gets printed at 9am every day. The lineup forms around 8:15am. Someone comes out and tells the lineup how many Wiis are available. The lucky ones keep waiting until 11." Can you believe that shit? "Hey, thanks for staying outside of our door for the last hour. We don't have any Wiis today, maybe y'all can try tomorrow." I guess I shouldn't be the one to talk.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Wax in my ear

I'm trying to use more images in order to appeal to Shaun and his sales piggery. Why am I blogging about a diagram of an ear you may ask. We'll read on ... or get lost, either way I'm good.

So I get out of the shower one day, and decide, maybe it's a good day to clean my ears. I clean my ears a disgustingly infrequent once or twice every three months, and sometimes at work feel a 'plop' in my ear, to find a big ball of wax that was hanging for dear life but succumbed to the forces of gravity.

Well, it must have been more than 3 months, because once I stuck the Qtip in my ear, I got blockage. Kinda like CB (if you don't know what CB is, check out the teamID wiki, coming soon), except for my ear. My attempts to clear the blockage with my wax-infested swab only made things worse. Now, I'm starting to panic (pronounced pan-EACH), because I can't hear out of my right ear. For real. It felt like I had water in my ear. My equilibrium is all messed up.

I tried everything. I tried yawning, plugging my nose, pumping my ear, smacking my head. I kinda looked like a monkey. Nothing. I had to go to work with lack of hearing in one ear, and I was always turning my head when people were talking to me, in hopes of comprehending stuff with my 'good ear'. I even tried playing my music super loud, under the theory that the sonic waves would shake the wax into submission. Suffice it to say that the wax wasn't having it.

I tried reading online about ear blockage. Apparently, my mom wasn't the only one using a bobby pin to clear out ear wax. Did you do that growing up? Well, doctors (or should I say "doctors", this is the internet, you know) say you shouldn't put anything bigger then your elbow into your ear. Fuck, why didn't I read this shit BEFORE sticking a Q-tip in my ear?

So, the wife books an appointment for me to see the doctor. Using a bedpan, paper towels, and a big-ass water pump, he begins his procedure. The plan is to pump pressured water into my ear, using the natural force to push the wax out. The pump looks like a syringe. I look a little concerned. He warns me, "if it starts to hurt, let me know". WTF? I just want the wax out, I don't need no drama!

So he starts pumping, and it feels really weird. I got the sensation of flowing water ... behind my eyeball! Just when I'm about to tell him to stop, he's done. I take a look at the bedpan, and see 3 nuggets of wax, all around the size of a Nerd (pictured left).

I can now hear clearly out of both of my ears!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Casino Royale review

I am a sucker for over-the-top action. Just read my review for MI:III. What's more over-the-top than a James Bond flick? Maybe Shaun's flamboyance, or Jon's retardation, but that's not what I came here to write about. Not today, at least.

Short review: This is a good Bond movie.

Slightly more detailed review: I like Daniel Craig as the new bond. I like sophisticated Bond girl Eva Green. I liked that opening action scene in Africa. I like it when shit gets destroyed. Like cars, construction sites, and buildings in Venice. I like ferrets against cobras. I like "you're not my type ... you're single". I like Ford and Sony propoganda.

What I don't like? Scripted poker drama. I don't like 4 players going all-in, all with premium poker hands. Do you know what the odds are of a flush, two full houses, and a straight flush, at the same time? Do you know what the odds are of pocket aces and pocket kings being dealt in the same hand? Ugh. It was just like Rounders. Gimme a break.

Anyways, watch this movie. Period.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sleepless weekend

It's the wife checking in:

I've been awake practically all weekend!

The weekend was kicked off with the annual Scotia "Christmas" party hosted by the traders. I have to admit it was probably the best one that I've attended in the 7 years I've been with the bank. Traditional drunkedness all around and we all know how I get when I drink...Catherine "Tornado" was in full effect.

My drinks of choice for the evening were Tequilla shots washed down with, Chris' favourite, Jack and Coke. After downing about 4 of each, I decided I was well enough to join Team ID to view the new James Bond flick.

My, my, my...Daniel Craig is pretty sexy. Sorry Pierce Brosnan, but Mr. Craig pwns you on the body department. Y'all know what seen I'm talking about. While the members of Team ID (with penises winced), I was enjoying Mr. Craig buck - necked!!!! Awesome!!! Finally got home at 3am and crashed.

The following morning, I woke up early to get a head start on my housework. However, I couldn't start my day without my usual Saturday morning walk. My husband and I walked to the local bakery (Mystic Muffin). Their apple cake is sick. I think this should be my husband's contribution to the cake party, seeing that the sales pig owner is usually successful in up selling my husband from a slice of cake to a WHOLE cake. PWND!! For example, if I go there by myself, the owner will say "Where's the Big Guy, I want to sell a cake" OP!

Once all of this was out of the way, I thought I would rest up for fight night. Pacman vs. Morales. Morales is another fine example of the opposite sex by the way (that's right fuckers, I had to specify Morales to avoid your fob boy punkage). Anyways, I figure I'd start getting ready for the fight. I hear Alexis and Jon talking. WTF??? The fight's on Sunday???!!!! This doesn't make sense. After several searches and calls to Rogers, we found out the fight was playing on HBO at 1:30 SUNDAY MORNING!!! Shrug, what can you do???

On a side note, Rogers sucks because:

1. Their customer service phone number takes voicemails

2. The above service replied to the voice mail almost 12 hours after the fight aired. You dummies, our voicemail wanted to know what channel the fight was airing on...ghetto.

Anyways, most of Team ID came by (minus Chris who had a date with lady XBOX 360) to watch the fight/Raps. Raps lost. Let's move on. $50 dollars later, the fight was finally available at Casa Torreno. The undercard sucked but Pacman and Morales delivered. Awesome!! Aside from Jon, I think I'm the biggest boxing fan in Team ID. Don't know why I like watching it, but it's wicked. Especially when you have a 4 foot nothing filipino guy brawling with a "haaaandsome" Mexican.

Boxing ended at 5am Sunday morning, Team ID left and the husband and I walked to Best Buy. That's right. We tidied up a bit and headed to our local Best Buy to line up for the Nintendo Wii. It was effing cold!!!! but fun. For example, roaming the streets downtown in the "wii" hours of the morning sometimes invites unwanted/special guests. For example, I had to do some business, so I walked to the nearest Tim Hortons (while my husband held our spot in line). When I was done, I walked out and noticed my shoelace was untied. I bent down to untie it and some random guy came out of nowhere (on a bike) and started talking to me. Actually, he kinda looked like a cross between Anth and that white guy Darrell from high school (check your yearbooks). Anyways, he "biked" back with me most of the way and was hating on Tim Hortons. He was telling me how they have nothing on "fine establishments" like Coffee Time. WTF??? Leave me alone!!!

Anyways, Best Buy was doing so well in co-ordinating this event, from line-ups to ticket distribution. We were 160 of 300. Still good, until.....they decided to bring everyone into the waiting area. Someone effed up. Instead of opening the doors in the indoor entrance, random Best Buy employee announces "We won't be letting you guys in through these doors. Instead, we will be using the main entrance" Big mistake. All 300+ plus people make a mad dash for the main entrance. Laugh. Effing nerds. One of them actually yelled out "Zerg rush"!!!

After another hour in line, my husband became the proud owner of the Nintendo Wii. Finally, we can go home. But not yet. After a little rest, we had to meet our family for sleepy. We finally get home around 4pm and he opens up the Nintendo.

It's awesome!!! Boxing and Tennis pwns!!! Who needs a gym membership when you have a Wii. My shirt was soaked after playing a few games. Laugh!!!

Anyways, it's 10pm on Sunday night. I think it's time I get some sleep this weekend.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Early birthday gifts! I love it!

First, I got a new camera one month early. My sister was paranoid that I would want to return it.

Yesterday, due to paranoia that I might buy my mother-in-law's gift before my birthday, she decided to follow suit. I'm getting a Nintendo Wii tomorrow! Ah, I remember when my wife spilled the beans. I was talking to her about going to Best Buy early Sunday morning to see if I can pick up a Wii, and she got pissed! "Why are you going to go so early, that's so stupid!" she told me. What the? Why are you so mad?

Thanks, mom, you're the best mother-in-law in the world! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to learn how to play Twilight Princess:

Friday, November 17, 2006

This is for you, Shaun!

Don't say I never do nothing for you! I found you a dating website, where you can get hooked up with other science fiction fans! Look, that's you in the picture!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Wish list 2K6

I don't want any presents for my birthday this year. For real. I'm getting old. No more presents. No need to buy my love. For real. Disclaimer: Alexis Torreno does not endorse any gift purchasing of any kind.

With that being said, here's a list of cool stuff I wish I had :)
  • Nintendo Wii Remotes: They're expensive! I get one when I buy my Wii next week, but extra ones cost $45. And the nunchuck attachment costs $25. But when our arms are flailing around playing a game of doubles tennis, it'll all be worth it!
  • Nintendo Wii Games: The Wii is going to change first-person shooters on the console. Far Cry, or Call of Duty 3, anyone?
  • Toronto Raptors tickets: Fuck Anthony Irving. He doesn't know the difference between the high post and the short corner. He doesn't know the defensive 3 in the key rule. Give me free Raptors tickets from your client, Jon! Raps look good this season.
  • Toronto Raptors gear: I love the Raptors claw logo. How come after all this time being a Raptors fan, I don't have any Raptors gear to wear?
  • Deutschland Jersey
  • Airport Express: Allows you to wirelessly stream your music from iTunes to your home stereo speakers. For me, that means the Altec Lansing speakers I stole from Chris!
  • Camera Tripod: So that I can take pictures without needing to ask some random stranger. Everytime I give my camera to some no-name guy, it turns out blurry. Fuck! Learn how to use a digital camera!
  • Nintendo DS Lite: I've been bitten by the DS bug! If the Wii wasn't coming out this week, I would have bought one already.
  • External HD: The downside to buying a laptop is that I have a small harddrive. Having an external one would allow me to move some thangs. Like this video of Shaun singing Karaoke.
  • Gift Card to RW & Co.: I wrote about this last year, and ain't a damn thing changed! I heart RW & Co. Their clothes look good, and it isn't Banana Republic expensive. The only thing better would be to work at Harry Rosen folding clothes so you can pick up a sick discount. Damn you Chris!
  • DL Incognito Albums: This guy is a sick lyricist. The only problem is that he's Canadian, and nobody knows him, or cares about him, or buys his music. Which means he's harder to pirate. Which means I'd have to actually buy his album to listen to it. And that's expensive. Sigh
  • New Poker Chip Set: I have the cheapy Wal-Mart brand. I wish I had a better set. and I wish I played more poker. And won more. Definitely. Sigh.
  • New Poker Books: I'll read them, and then I can win more. Right? Sigh.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Thursday, November 09, 2006

On Rotation

I've been listening to a lot of new music lately. I thought it might be fun to let you know which albums stay on rotation, and which ones I hate on. Let's begin!

Janet Jackson: 20 Y.O.
Since Jay Tse might be reading this, I gotta choose my words carefully, or he may come after me. Janet's new album is very fun, and easy to listen to. Hit singles "Call on Me" and "So Excited" will get tons of play in the clubs. How many times have you heard Jermaine Dupri on the radio lately? "Y'all know what this is!" This album is a keeper

John Legend: Once Again
Straight up soulful goodness. The shit that makes you want to go to church. Or get in bed and do the nasty. How did he get both of those emotions into the same album? This gets heavy rotation.

Lupe Fiasco: Food & Liquor
I really love this album. Excellent production on every track, like "Kick, Push", "The Cool", and "The Emperor's Soundtrack", make this a must-have hip-hop album. But what really makes Lupe stand out are his witty, intelligent, and sometimes cryptic lyrics. His album is a backlash to the current state of hip-hop, which is polluted with gangsta lyrics and jiggy lifestyle. It also speaks out on American politics, Deadbeat dads, and ... skateboarding? Black people do that? "Kick, push, coast!" He quotes the Prophet Mohammed: "The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr."

Diddy: Press Play
Garbage. Other than his one single (which is only good because Pussycat Doll's Nicole Scherz-whatever is in the video), this album had nothing for me. I only listened to it once.

Ludacris: Release Therapy
I think I'm finally growing up when it comes to the music I choose. I remember listening to 50 Cent's "The Massacre", and thinking to myself, "self, this don't sound too good." Gangsta rap was cool to listen to, because you were living a fantasy. I want to drive an Escalade. I want big booty hos. I want an iced out grillpiece, low-hanging, blinged out chain, Fendi bag, ya heard me! But now, shit's played out. It's getting boring to listen to.

I think Ludacris is growing up as well. His album is a mix of #1 hits (and soon to be #1 hits) "Moneymaker" and "Grew up a Screw Up", along with some interesting introspective tracks, like "Freedom of Preach" and "Runaway Love." He's hasn't completely changed though.

"and i'm gonna pour patron, 'til i
get 'em in the zone, then i'll
get 'em all alone, 'til i
make 'em wanna bone"

That's funny! Yeah, I haven't completely changed either. Run that back!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My laptop pwnx0rs

What do you do when your friends change your ESPN Fastbreak team? You cry like a bitch, that's what you do! Ah, poor Shaun.

He had no ammunition with his retaliation, so he had to resort to calling my laptop names, and come up with cheesy captions. Well, here are some other names for my laptop: How about Wired Test Magazine's "Best of Test"? That's right, The 15-inch Apple Macbook Pro beat out Gateway, HP, Sony, and Toshiba. And the 17-inch Apple Macbook Pro was named best desktop replacement laptop.

What about your laptop, are you on the list? "Hi, I'm Shaun, I'd rather have a shitty IBM Thinkpad than an Apple Macbook Pro"


Monday, November 06, 2006

General tips, speed up bittorrent, parallels and vpn

This post is not for my regular readers. But I felt a responsibility to share these things that were frustrating me in the hopes the Google indexes this page and it helps others.

How to speed up bittorrent if you have a router
Bittorrent was running sooooooo slow for me. I figured something must be wrong. 2.4 K/s? I've got a high speed net connection! So I searched and came across this post.

The trick is to allow port forwarding on ports 6881 to 6889 in your router's config. After I did that, boom! Fast website piracy!

How to see Windows from your Mac when using Parallels
After installing Parallels and Windows, things were good. I had successfully transitioned to the Mac, with Windows close by just so I can have some stuff that I need for work. But the ironic thing is that what I needed for work caused my setup to break. I installed the Cisco VPN client for Windows. Even without being connected, it has a service running that hides Windows from other machines on the network (i.e. my Mac).

To fix this, just uninstall the VPN client on Windows, and install the VPN client on OS X instead. Worked for me!

Goetz Reunion

Everyone else blogged about our 10-year reunion on Saturday night, so I won't. Instead, I present you with this video from Tremendous after we took off.

This fortune cookie was hilarious too. Retry (pronounced reh-tree). What the fuck is retry?

I got hardcore itis after we left. Knocked. the fuck. out.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Epiche Sellout...

Mrs. Lex here:

Team ID was out for their usual Friday dinner. The plan: pick-up dinner, watch the Raps at Shaun's parents' place and go to the theatre to catch Borat.

Things I learned tonight:

1. Shamity and Hate are genetic.

Shaun's shamity was in full effect. First, he feels obliged to buy us dinner since we bought him dinner when he came to our place on Wednesday. Ghetto. To make it worse, he buys the dinner to bring to his parents' place (knowing full well that he told his parents we were coming over. As a result, Mrs. Sequeira made us dinner (spaghetti and carrot cake)) Double ghetto. Anyways, to get to my point:

Shaun's dad comes down to get some chicken. Dialogue goes as follows:

Dad: I'm just gonna grab some chicken
Shaun: Maybe you should bring some chicken up for mom too
Dad: Why??? If she wants chicken she should come down herself
Shaun: Why doesn't she come down
Dad: She's just too shy. Too bad for her. If she doesn't want to come down...what is she scared...scared of Alexis!!!???

Laugh...Shaun gets shamity from his mom and hate from his dad.

Now to get to the topic of my post.

Congratulations to the Raps for winning their home opener. We head out to the the theatre. Me and my #1 and #2 hubby in one car. Gwylo and Brown in another car. The parking lot is packed!!! Everyone wants to see Borat. We were searching high and low for a parking spot. All of a sudden the hubby #2 blurts out: "Hey, there's Anth!!!" I turn to look and find him getting in the car while his lady friend sits in the passenger seat. WTF??? Did he just sell us out of Borat!!! Did he just watch the movie after practically ejaculating over email about how he wanted to come with us tonight. No effing way!!! So we wedge him into his parking spot and start honking the horn. We had to get a spot....

So we find a parking spot close by and our newly christened casual Team ID member (C-TIM) makes a mad dash out of the parking lot. Ghetto. So I start yelling "Sellout", "You suck, Anth".

We enter the theatre and share the news with the rest of Team ID (and friends). Let the hate begin. Everyone who had a cell phone sent crazy text messages and left voicemails with C-TIM. Suddenly, my husband's phone rings. His number shows up on the call display. Alexis answers the phone and a lady is on the other line. Smack-tacular.

Alexis: Hello?
Alexs: Who is this?
Alexis: Is this who you sold us out for?

At this point, Shaun's CB motor started and he grabbed the phone. During this time, Sellout took the phone from his lady friend and pretended he couldn't hear the other person on the line. Shaun said he said "Hello?....Hello?"...and then click!!!

Oh man....let the smack begin. Where's your loyalty now?

I now declare the Fall-in-Line Initiative active and in full effect. I'm not speaking for everyone. This is just from me. If you don't want to come just say so. Do what Jon does. Tell the truth about what you're doing...Chin, Chris and dare I say, Shaun. At least, he tells us if he's going to chill with other people. I understand you guys are looking for new relationships but does that mean you abandon your old ones. I don't know. You guys are perfectly entitled to hang out with whomever you choose, but if you're going to call me your friend, you need to show some effort. I'm not saying make it to every Friday dinner but who says you can't make it to at least one during a month. Don't pussy around with these tummy ache excuses. At first, I missed you. You may think this is me going all "Oprah" on you. I don't care. You may be reading this with a smirk on your face. I also don't care. Jon told me once, I'm a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I'm calling it like I see it. I personally am tired of the excuses. As someone once told me "That is why you fail". Call or email...doesn't matter. I'll answer. The ball is in your court now. I'm not gonna give you another chance to sell me out.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

"Is this Fanta?" - Team ID Chicago 2006

It's the wife checking in...

Fanta. What can I say? This, I believe, is the greatest beverage in the universe. Not too sweet, I could drink this stuff by the vase-fulls. After having dinner with Jon and his girlfriend, the husband and I decided to stop by the local 7-eleven. My goal was to get an - old favourite - the slurpee. However, I wasn't expecting to discover Fanta slurpees. Holy cow!!! Is this possible? Am I dreaming? Someone pinch me! Two of the greatest inventions together in one cup.


Saturday, October 28, 2006

New Toy!

Thanks Mike and Michelle! You're the best sister-in-law and almost brother-in-law that I know (Sorry Marvin and Heather, your asses got downgraded).

Why? Because I just got my birthday and Christmas present 1 month in advance. Welcome to the Canon Powershot SD450 (pictured left, if you're dense). I'm back baby! Just need an SD card from Shaun and his sales pig conglomerate, and I'm ready for my vacation in Las Vegas.

Thanks to the guys, who helped choose a camera they knew I would like. And knowing that I was a Canon fanboy, and would snob off any other camera brand. You guys know me so well (sniff).

Oh yeah, and for my Mac addicts, I just plugged in my camera, launched iPhoto, and downloaded my test pics. No hardware wizards, no searching for drivers, etc. Fuck you Windows! Okay, that was a bit much. But I'm not taking it back.

They gave it to me this early because of the return/exchange policy of wherever they bought it. Am I that picky, that I would try to return this camera? Jeez sis, you think so lowly of me.

I feel sad for my old camera. Maybe we should have a funeral for it or something. It gave us many a good picture, like this one:

Chin either looks like he's attracted to the Natty's breasts, or he's afraid of contracting a disease from her.

Cathy pointed out something interesting. Jon was the one that lost my old camera case (back at my wedding), and he was the last one using my camera before it broke. Stay ... the fuck .... away ... from my new camera! You got your own, but really I don't know why, when all the pictures from my brother's wedding were blurry, like this:

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Google fanboy strikes again

I was just playing around with Picasa Web, one of Google's latest offerings. From iPhoto, I just select export, and my pictures get resized and uploaded to my public gallery. Wicked.

They've given me 250MB to play with. I've uploaded Chin's pictures from Marvin and Heather's wedding as an experiment. Check it out.

I can apparently link to other people's galleries (Hint: Chin, Chris, Ruby ... y'all have Google accounts). There are also RSS feeds, which means I don't have to visit your gallery every day to see if you've uploaded more photos (claps hands and jumps up and down repeatedly with gleeful smile on face).

Filipinos and Poker

A few weeks ago, I was watching season 4 of the World Poker Tour. They were at the Borgata in Atlantic City. It was there that I watched my Tito Ric kick ass at the final table. Well, not my real Tito Ric, but when you see an old filipino guy, he's automatically a tito.

His name was Ricardo Festejo. He had the signature gut of so many old filipino dudes. And the fob accent to match.

The biggest signature was his addiction to gambling. Heads up against Al Ardebili, with K-7-2 on the board, and A-2 in his hand, Festejo raised to 1 million. Ardebili, with 3-2 in his hand, re-raised all-in. Now, even with Tito Ric having the better hand (pair of twos with a ace kicker), this is an impossible call. But still, he made it. Cojones! Like friggin watermelons!

Too bad a three came off on the turn. One of the greatest injustices I've ever seen in poker. The call of the century, and it doesn't get paid off. Sorry Tito Ric, maybe next time.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Excited to watch the 06 Raps

The raps are 5-0 in preseason play. I am perfectly aware that this is "just preseason", but there is a lot of significance in their success, and a lot to be excited about!

The team is balanced offensively. Defensively, they still seem to be a bit deficient, but they're forcing more turnovers and converting them into points. The team is also very deep. Like 10 or 11 players deep. Coach Mitchell is going to have a hard time benching a PJ Tucker, or a Kris Humphries, after their preseason performances. Plus Chris Bosh is dropping 3 balls? Are you bananas!?

Still, this team was just formed during the offseason, so I'm not expecting an NBA championship this season. But what I'm hoping for is a team that can play 48 minutes. Last year's Raptors lost sooooo many games by 5 points or less. Or lost the game at the buzzer. Or collapsed in the last five minutes.

In order to make the playoffs, the Raps will need at a minimum to dethrone one of the bottom 4 seeds from last season. Washington, Indiana, Chicago, Milwaukee. Of those 4, Chicago and Milwaukee are arguably upgraded. Indiana is definitely the most downgraded, with the loss of Stojakovic and Stephen Jackson shooting people. Washington didn't make any moves did they? Maybe we can slip in ahead of one of these two?

Let's start the season already! Damn!

PS redesigned their site! Cool!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Congratulations Marvin and Heather!

After 9 and a half years my brother finally married his high school sweetheart Heather on Saturday. It's about fucking time! These fools did everything backwards. First, they got a mortgage. Next, they decided to get married. Afterwards, my brother bought her an engagement ring. WTF?

Anyways, enough about that. These two did their wedding right: 300+ guests, SUV limousines, mad crazy appetizer bar, and of course, open bar!

The wedding weekend started on Thursday night, with the rehearsal. Our priest may be a man of God, but he doesn't have much in the way of patience, flexibility, or manners. At one point, Heather asked if she could change the order of the procession. The priest replies, "why don't I just get out, and you can do this?" (talking about running the rehearsal). Oy!

On Friday, I spent the night at my brother's place. This guy still didn't have his placeholders ready, or his giveaways, or his photography list, and I caught him calling the limo driver, negotiating the schedule. Horrible. I thought I came by to have a good time before the big day. Wrong - I got to get some work done. Around midnight or 1AM we were finally done. We celebrated with a pair of games of Texas Hold 'Em.

Saturday morning, my brother's friends/photography afficianados Brian and Carlo came by to take pictures of the groomsmen. We had a lot of fun shots, and hopefully they'll post them online soon.

What I really remember about my brother's wedding was seeing all of the family together in the same room. My cousin Kris from Texas. My cousins Ling and B.A. from Minnesota. All the Torrenos and all the Galvans. It was kinda like my wedding, except with none of the stress! I wish I mingled more, because I had a lot of catching up to do between all the cousins that I haven't seen in a long time, and old friends from high school that I haven't seen since ... uh, high school. The only problem was that I was drunk after only 30 minutes at the reception. "I'm drunk!"

So, here's to my brother and my new sister-in-law. and Vince, aka "drunk #2!". and Jojo, who kept asking me to take my shirt off. and everyone giving props like Damon Jones and LeBron James. and Bailey's, Napoleon Brandy, Sambuca, and Rye + Ginger.

C'mon wedding pact, we need one of y'all to get married! More weddings!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Driving in the city sucks ass

Had to rent a car for my brother's wedding. Dropped off my wife this morning, and thought to myself, maybe it'll be faster and more convenient to drive into work.


What's worse is that I have to drive back home after work.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Everything I remember about my trip to Chicago

Quickly, before I forget:
  • Shaun shaking his ass while packing the bags.
  • Dane Cook's bit about "leaving a legacy" ... gold! "I did not say fucking ... He only said that to add emotion and intensity to his story. He is a 50-year old liar, that deserves to get ice cream smashed in or around his eye area."
  • The Sears Tower gives you a spectacular view of Chicago. I don't understand why one would be willing to pay $150 to get to Chicago, and not want to pay $12 to visit one of Chicago's premiere attractions.
  • I've never seen so many Walgreens, McDonalds, Starbucks and Subways in my whole life.
  • No MTV2 in my room? How often do I get to watch the sucker-free Sunday? At least National Geographic channel came strong. Leopards hunting and Baboons stealing babies, oh my!
  • We should have crashed that Indian wedding. The dessert looked good!
  • Cheers to AI for landing a 4 star hotel. Jeers to AI for promising a 20 min transit ride into the city.
  • Americans are filthy with their food. Double decker pizzas with a brick of cheese per slice. Small coffees that look like larges back home. Country gravy at IHOP. But the ultimate is the Chilli 5-way, courtesy of the Steak and Shake. Spaghetti noodles, topped with chilli, 3 cheeses, and onions. The five of us that went there all came out sick. Sick to our stomachs. Never go to a sit-down restaurant that can also serve people going to a drive-thru. Don't do it!
  • Chicago has a lot of hotties
  • I thought I was smart, but I got my ass served in Big Brain Academy against the likes of Chris, Chin, and Jon. The only ones I could have beaten didn't want to play (do the math).
  • Nominees for worst driver-shotgun combo: Shaun and Jon ... one of them put our lives in danger to satisfy his road rage, and the other couldn't perform the simplest of shotgun tasks, like having change ready for the toll, or recognizing that we were supposed to exit the highway. What a disaster.
  • Milleneum park is a very cool place.
  • Chicago has a lot of hotties
  • The slanted building, from Adventures in Babysitting! Mighty Thor!
  • The water fountain from the opening theme of Married with Children! Al, let's have sex! D'uh, no Peg.
  • When we went to Harpo Studios, it was closed. Across the street, I thought I saw a gift shop. Turned out it was some kind of administrative office for Harpo. There was a security guard behind the locked door, and I guess she didn't take a liking to me trying the door. So as soon as I cleared the parking lot, boom, she turns on the fucking security fencing. But I did not say fucking!
  • How come married men aren't invited to the strip club. I can look!
  • The automated voice at the Milleneum park parking lot sounded like Shaun! You sold us out again, how much did they pay you?
  • The wife declares, "someone peed on the floor." Shaun confidently replies, "it couldn't have been me, because I've been peeing sitting down the whole weekend." WTF?
  • Anatomically correct moose and TeamID are a match made in heaven.
See y'all next Thanksgiving!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

The South Beach Sugar Diet

That's right, it's me....the wife! This is my first official post to Bay's blog.

A couple weeks ago, my good friend, Chin, and I made a bet that I could give up sugar for the rest of the year. If I won, I would take away all his shoes. If he won, he would dress me for work for 1 day!!! To any who know either one of us, this would be absolutely disasterous for the losing party.

The first few days without sugar, were really rough for me. I was popping tylenol and was cranky all weekend. Then I actually did something dumber....I went to work. I deal with millions of dollars on a daily basis and any error on my part would cause mayhem. Let's just say my co-workers have been really patient with me over the last couple of weeks and have been covering my ass.

This isn't the worst part. I've been trying to lose weight since the spring and was successful in losing about 15lbs up until September. My doctor even complimented me on my hard work and said to keep it up. Anyways, all that hard work went down the tubes when this bet started. In less than a week and half I've managed to gain 10 lbs!!!!!! Not good. I bought a jacket at the beginning of the fall season and now I can't button it....gross!!!!!

All-in-all, I've been pretty messed up by the lack of sugar. I've been supplementing my cravings with really awful junk food like McDonald's. I almost never go there. If I do, it's usually for a coffee just so I can get a free paper in the morning.

Anyways, Chin, out-of-the-blue, calls off the bet. At first, I thought this was one of his ploys to fool me into eating something sweet but he sent me a really disturbing email. One of my co-workers, Kumanan, sent him an email about how I was doing at work without the sugar and describing what I had eaten for that day. When I read it, I was seriously grossed out. I never eat like that at work or even at home. As ridiculous as this may sound, I need sugar. Before this bet, the only sugar I would have during the week was in the 1 coffee I had in the morning. Then, occassionally I would treat myself to some sort of candy on Friday (occassionally). But now, I have at least 2 coffees a day (with sweetener) and eating breads and cereals like no tomorrow....hence the added 10lbs.

Now that Chin has called off the bet, I can go back to my sugar diet. I'm gonna need all the help I can get with my brother-in-laws wedding coming in less than 2 weeks! I have to somehow fit into the dress I bought.

Wish me luck!

Friday, September 29, 2006

To New Car, or not to Car

Well, the Pontiac Grand Am did it again, the only way it knows how. It broke down. Transmission this time. That thing is on a friggin respirator, with a nurse and a defibrillator on standby.

Its impending death has caused the wife and I to go virtual car shopping online. The thing is, I hate cars (Shaun and Chris are grimacing at this very moment). Cars are not good investments. In fact, they depreciate as soon as you drive them off the lot. They cost you tons of money in gas and insurance. And five years from now, when you've made your last finance payment, that's when people start punking you for having an old-school five-year-old piece of shit.

But the reality is that I need a car. Family and friends live in Mississauga. You can't get anywhere out in the burbs without a car. So suck it up, you fucking jerkoff (that's me yelling at myself, I guess the red devil on my shoulder is a redneck or something).

I never really understood people that loved to drive, until I drove my first luxury car. It was the Chevy Suburban, and man did it ever feel good. Heated seats, leather interior, and the engine just purred. I was making excuses just to go out and drive that thing.

Thus, the dilemma. No car equals pulling teeth, while we sit on the Go Bus, or hope that someone is nice enough to drive us home. Getting a car means I'd have to spend money on something that I don't even like. But getting a nice car might change my attitude
. But cars are not a good investment. But sunroofs are good for fresh air.

Fuck, I'm babbling. It's late. We're just going to rent every other weekend or something. Until we're ready to move to a bigger place. And then I gotta think about this all over again. And pass my confusion and anger to my loyal readers. Enjoy.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

10 reasons why Mac OSX is better than Windows

In no particular order:

  1. Looks better. Windows looks ugly. In the Apple world, the hardware and software look great.
  2. The Dock: I can keep shortcuts without cluttering my desktop. I can switch tasks without guessing. Sure the genie effect and the magnification are gimmicky. But they look wicked!
  3. Spotlight: I can search for stuff on my machine, and find it fast. I don't have to look at the fucking Windows dog wag his tail for 5 minutes, only to tell me that he couldn't find anything for me.
  4. Exposé: Find the window you want fast. In Windows? Well, you can keep clicking on the taskbar until you've guessed right. Or you can use ctrl-tab. Lame.
  5. Front Row: All of my pictures, movies, and music, controlled by a remote, and displayed on my TV.
  6. No Viruses, Spyware, Adware, Trojans, Spam: Should these separate points?
  7. My Lost Widget: It starts beeping! I have to push the button! 4 8 15 16 23 42
  8. iLife: iTunes, iPhoto, iMovie, iDVD, iWeb, and Garage Band. All bundled with the OS for free.
  9. Innovation: OSX has had 4 major releases since 2001, with a fifth (OSX Leopard) due sometime next year. Windows XP came out in 2002!
  10. No Internet Explorer! Well, you can download IE 5.2 for Mac, but why would you want to downgrade?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

My New Toy

On Sunday, I purchased my first Mac. I am the (very) proud owner of a Macbook Pro. That's right, bitches! I told you I hate Microsoft! So much, in fact, that I'm done with viruses. Or waiting 5 minutes for my machine to boot up. Or even reaching to the back of my computer to plug in a usb cable. Fuck it!

I've been up past my bedtime for three nights straight. I love new toys.

What's really cool is my Lost widget. Every 108 minutes, I need to push the button. My wife thinks I'm crazy.

I'm starting to get sleepy. More about my new Mac tomorrow.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Firefox Fever

It seems y'all are right. Overall, Firefox has about 10% or less market share:

But in more tech-savvy circles, usage is up close to the 30% mark, which was my estimate:

At our table last night, FireFox usage was at 83%. Shaun, you fucking suck. I thought you were computer-savvy, but you're no better than the sales guy at my office that doesn't know the difference between memory and disk space. Hope you have Norton installed!

Real internet users use FireFox.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Wii Release Date!

Nintendo finally set a release date for the Nintendo Wii. November 19 bitches! Say goodbye to going out Al. Say goodbye to "yo, what are you doing tonight?" Al. Say hello to Depends undergarments Al. Say hello to "sick as a dog as far as my boss is concerned" Al.

$279 CAD is slightly higher than I was expecting, but it's too late -- I've bought into the hype machine, now gimme gimme gimme! I can't wait to play my wife in Tennis. Trust me Bay, I will "sumoku" (pronounced Su-moke-a-YOU).

Future Shop already has prices for the games. If all of these games release at the same time as the Wii, my ass is broke! On the wishlist:
  • Mario Galaxy
  • Metriod Prime 3: Corruption (You use the controller to twist shit open!)
  • Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Solid Snake under a box!)
  • Wario Ware
  • Twilight Princess
I'm standing in line tomorrow. Who wants to go home...

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I hate Microsoft

At my old job, whenever the hardware died, we would call Ross. He was a really laid back, knowledgeable, and funny guy. He once called Windows "The Wal-Mart of operating systems", which is the most succinct description of Microsft's horrible OS that I've ever heard.

Everybody knows this right? Well, not my friend Kev. He once wrote to me:
Microsoft designed Windows and got the IT industry to what its today.
Without Microsoft....there would be no Google.

You can thank your job to Microsoft...what now?

And now, the retort. I did not think I would ever need to write about how much Windows sucks. But Kev, due to your ignorance, I need to school you. This is the second time for you, after my Gmail owns Hotmail post. The fact is, Microsoft is actually holding us back. We would be so much further ahead if the majority of computers had a real operating system. You know why everyone has Windows? Because anyone can buy cheap hardware and slap a copy of Windows on it. Because MS Office was lucky enough to win the office suite war. Not because Microsoft is this innovative think-tank. Not because Windows is better than Mac OS. Simply put: we're forced to use Windows. Let's review:

Security: Aren't viruses great? I have Norton Internet Security and Webroot Spy Sweeper installed, and boy am I happy I have close to a gig of RAM, because those two apps use up a ton of memory. Why do viruses exist? Well, mostly due to security vulnerabilities in Windows and Microsoft apps like MS Word and MS Internet Explorer. Every week I seem to see a new patch to close off some kind of security hole. I would have given you credit if you told me Microsoft got the anti-virus industry to where it is today.

Instant messaging, web browsing, media playing, office application ... all stolen. Remember ICQ? Remember when Netscape was the only web browser? I still miss AmiPro. I was better off with all of these apps. Except they all disappeared, and I was forced to switch to their lesser cousins. And all of them are absolutely bloated with features that nobody uses. What's new since Word '95? Well, it uses an extra 128MB of memory. That's always useful (<- sarcastic, you fuck!) Here is an interesting video from Steve Job's Keynote address at the Worldwide Developer's Conference. It points out that everything making Windows Vista a landmark upgrade basically already exists in OSX. Instant Search is Spotlight. Aero is Aqua. Flip tab is a ghetto version of Expose. Internet Explorer 7 is a mix of Firefox and Safari RSS. Microsoft Mail is Mail. Microsoft Calendar is iCal. OSX came out in 2001! Vista, whenever they can kill the thousands of bugs plaguing the beta, will come out sometime next year. Six years later -- who got the IT industry where?

Stability: Remember when Windows 98 crashed during its public demo? You ever need to reformat your computer because it takes too long to boot up? Remember the blue screen of death? Why is it that after 4 major releases since Windows 95, the OS still crashes?

I'm a web developer - and Microsoft didn't invent the internet. In fact, they haven't invented anything, they stole it! And then made a really shitty facsimile that was either really cheap, or free, was full of bugs and security holes, but somehow crippled the competition. So no, I won't thank Microsoft for my job.

Wow. Getting that off my chest felt real good.

Friday, August 25, 2006

One-Handed 3x3x3 Rubik's Cube solve (20.09 seconds solve)

I can't solve a rubik's cube with two hands and two days.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Lil Lex at the company party

So the company decides to organize a boat cruise along the T-dot harbour. Free food, free liquor, how does one say no? Well, the fact that you are trapped with your co-workers for 4 hours, with no opportunity to bail out (unless you can swim like a fish and have a waterproof case for you iPod Nano) tends to make you think twice about a boat cruise. What do you talk to your co-workers about other than work? Small talk about sailing, the weather, the Toronto harbourfront, and your coworkers feelings on their workload can only go so far. "Uh, so, how was the party last year? Oh yeah, that's good." [shudder]

I had a great time that night. The food was great, and despite having limits on our alcohol (we were initially given 3 drink tokens), I was able to score enough extra tokens to get my buzz on. After the sun set, they opened the dance floor and the DJ played enough good music to keep me on the floor right until the boat docked at the end of the night. I heart Biggie Smalls "Hypnotize" by the way. and Sean Paul "Temperature" ... I had to look up the lyrics online so that I could sing along.

The next day, everyone came to work fucked up. I saw people log into messenger as late as 10:30. I was really tired, but fortunately, not hungover, thanks to not wasting time with mixed drinks. Straight shots homey, get up on it! My attempts to corrupt non-alcohol drinkers were foiled. Watching me stagger around and talk incoherently probably didn't motivate them much.

Good times, let's do it again soon!

Thursday, August 17, 2006


I'm so buying this jersey. If you can find someone selling it, Buy it, and I will pay you an extra 10%. Look at this guy, he's "hooked on a feeling!"

Oh snap! Representing Deutschland to the fullest!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Nike Basketball Commercial [Extended]

Remember this?


One of the best places in the city for chicken wings is Duffs at Bayview and Eglinton. These guys don't fuck around. They come with the heat! They taunt you with their two hottest sauces: Death ... and Armageddon.

The first time I went to taste their chicken wings, I ordered medium. What do I look like, a bravestar? I told myself, "self, you'll just go up the ladder slowly." Last friday, I went with the wife and her youngest cousins. It was the perfect opportunity to upgrade to medium-hot.

An interesting offering on Duffs menu is Armageddon sauce on the side for 2 bucks. You can front like a bigshot, and chicken out (pardon the pun) if you can't take the heat. One please! They make it a big event, firing up the ceiling mounted sirens and everything.

I took one dip and bit in. A few seconds later, the sting sets in on my tongue. Sweat on my forehead. Instant runny nose. My wife looks at me and says, "your eyes are red." Then my teeth go numb. This is still after only one bite! I was supremely owned.

As an experiment, I started dipping potato wedges with just a touch of the hot sauce, and fed it to each of the kids. Ah, the looks on their faces. Evil? yes. Entertaining? bet.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Taste of Dan-fizzorth

The tradition stays alive one more year, no thanks to white water rafters and euro-hags abroad. Oh yeah, and lazy-ass Koreans.

Representing for TeamID were the entity and good mornin' Alison (aka Miss Pac-Man). While y'all probably don't want to hear about my battle with defecation, it was a sign that there good eats to be had in 2K6. The highlight of the night: Strawberries and whipped cream from Il Fornello. Gatdamn!

Honorable mention goes to a group of teens that we run into at the park. One is obviously heavily intoxicated (aka smashed out of his mind). While his friends mock and question his manhood, he retorts, "shut up, you guuuys are used to it, I'm NOT!" He proceeds to stumble to the floor and hold his defeated head in his hands.

Also, a bag sitting on top of a garbage can attracted the attention of bomb-panicked police officers. Alison notes that there are funnel cakes nearby. "I don't give a fuck" I tells her. "Let's go."

Damn you for making me battle the bridge! Broadview station was right thurr. And I couldn't commit suicide either.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 5

If you ever get the chance to visit Las Vegas, I recommend making a trip to the Gun Store. This place has all your weapon needs. But for those of us just visiting, and unable to carry weapons on an airplane, you are not out of luck. In the back there is a firing range, and for $40US you can take the weapon of your choice to the back and shoot the shit out of a paper target!

You can choose just about anything, from handguns, to shotguns, to automatic rifles! Studio gangstas such as myself can now rap about bussin caps, and not be lying (for real son, I buss a cap in that fool!)

My weapon of choice was the Glock. The guy asked me what caliber weapon I wanted. I told him, "the biggest you've got." Mistake #1. A .45 caliber weapon should only be handled by someone strong enough to handle a .45 caliber weapon. Lesson learned (i.e. pwned).

I have never experienced anything like firing a gun. When you hear the sound, and feel the recoil, you know you're not fucking around. It was exciting, but at the same time scared the shit out of me. I had to listen to everything the dude was telling me, cuz I wasn't about to shoot my toe off!

$40 bought me 50 rounds. After I unloaded my first clip, I started to get comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. For my second clip, I decided to fire 5 rounds in rapid succession. The dude who was watching us was not impressed. "It's not about how fast you can shoot, it's about hitting the target. This isn't the movies." Oh punk.

What's really wicked are the little things. Like loading the clip. Or loading the first bullet into the chamber. Or unjamming your gun by releasing the bullet. Gangsta.

For an extra $1.25 you get your choice of target. I chose this al-qaeda looking terrorist. My very first shot was a lucky fluke: Got the guy right between the eyes. I got to keep my target, and if you check it out, you can see when I started to get bored and started shooting the dude in the nuts.

Gun Store, son. Gun Store.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 4

After a pretty crazy Saturday night, Everyone slept in and took it easy on Sunday morning. Our suite at the Wynn gave us a wicked crazy view of the strip, as well as the mountains in the backdrop. Oh yeah, and we had two plasmas in our room! Bonus.

First up, ESPN classic had a 2005 World Series of Poker Marathon. There was a Japanese woman who won her buy-in to the tournament as part of a Japanese game show. She was wearing a Kimono, and posing for the camera repeating her new favourite saying (while motioning her two hands from her chest outwards towards the table): "Arr-in, Arr-in."

Next, a show on MTV2 titled "The Final Fu". Ernie Reyes Jr brings together the best Martial artists in the country, and they fight each other! Tae Kwon Do, Shorei Ryu Karate, Hung Gar Kung Fu... And suprisingly, this show was a source of mad hotties. I found myself doubly intrigued, when seeing that these hot girls can also kick ass. TH!

But the cream of the crop was VH1's "The World Series of Pop Culture." A 16-team single elimination tournament to see who has the most useless info on TV, Movies, and music stuck in their brains! Some sample questions:
  • Who was the oldest sibling of the Huxtable family?
  • What was the name of the boat in Jaws?
  • Well known for his role on "Star Trek:The Next Generation", this actor was also the host of Reading Rainbow
  • Since 1975, this has been the price to "Buy a vowel" on Wheel of Fortune
  • Identify the movie by the quote: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Some of the questions were dead easy. Some of them, I was surprised I could bust them out. And some of them, I was surprised the teams could bust out! Mallory's boyfriend's name? WTF?

Topping things off, Arnold Schwarzenneger in Commando! "Remember when I said I would kill you last? .... I lied"

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 3

The tower suites at the Wynn Las Vegas are mothafuckin sick-tacular. I have never been at a hotel this schwanky my whole life. Let me break this shit down for you:

- Marble entryway
- Two washrooms
- Living room
- Master washroom is about as big as the bedroom
- textured walls
- paintings on display
- 2 plasma TVs (one in the living room, one in the bedroom playing HDTV (not like ghetto Shaun)
- 1 LCD TV in the washroom
- Mirrors on the ceiling
- DVD player
- Doorbell outside
- 4 hinges on the door (who needs 4 hinges?)

Even the stand-up shower was super-sized. I felt like a king ... I stayed in there longer than usual, giving my balls the thorough royal wash. The TVs were hooked up to some kind of media center, so when we turned it on, it had my name on it ("Welcome Alexis Torreno"). Fucking right!

The suites were so high class that there was a separate registration area, and a separate set of elevators. The entryway was guarded at two spots by security. It actually took all of our brainpower to sneak in 8 extra guys and their bags without tipping off security or the ladies at the check-in desk that we were in a suite for 2.

The rest of the hotel was just as swanky as our room. It was the re-dirk-ulous. When they designed it, they were probably thinking, "how can we take something small and make it glamorous?" They had a spiral staircase ... escalator!

The US National basketball team was practicing in Las Vegas, and we suspect they were staying at the Wynn. My brother's friends say they saw Dwayne Wade. Me? I stood outside waiting for a cab beside Bruce Bowen. What a rip-off. I think I can take him.

And we all know about American TV. We ended up spending just as much time in Cuba watching MTV2 as we did on the beach. Well, in Vegas, they had...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 2

I am an accomplished poker player. For real. I've been playing at my friend's weekly game for about a year now. I've made final table to a number of tourneys, and took down a 40-player tournament once. I've read from poker authors Gordon, Sklansky, Brunson, and others. But LV ain't having none of that. None of it!

First up, a $55 no limit tournament. I play pocket tens, calling a raise in front of me. A third player calls as well. The flop has three undercards to my overpair. The bettor goes all in. I go all in as well to isolate. The third player calls. We flip, and I'm ahead. The turn and river make a straight for the third player. Out in 15 minutes.

From there I go on to lose $200 in 2 days. Was I doing something wrong? The only thing I figure I did wrong was play $2-$4 limit. There is a fine line between courage and stupidity. And I couldn't tell which side these players were on! I have never experienced as many bad beats in my life as I did over this weekend:
  • A nut straight on the flop loses to a full house on the river. My opponent was playing A-2 offsuit
  • Trip nines on the flop loses to a straight on the river. My opponent was playing Q-7 offsuit
  • Trip aces loses, because I was playing A-Q, and my opponent was playing A-K
  • I bet aggresively with pocket jacks. 6 players get widdled down to 2. The river is a jack. Too bad my trips also make my opponent a straight on the river.
There were others, but these ones stung me to the core. I spent my last day watching the 2005 World Series of Poker marathon on ESPN2. Therapy for a broken poker player.

I'm going back to Vegas with my wife at the end of the year. Someone please remind me about this post. Remind me to not play poker in Vegas!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Chronicles of Vegas 2006 Vol 1

For my brother's stag, I had to show him the same hospitality that he showed me for my stag. So there was only one place to go: Las Vegas bitches!

With Vegas comes stories. Some stories remain in Vegas. The rest, I share with you.

In this chapter, we'll learn about my journey. It started a few months earlier, when my brother's friends suggested flying from Buffalo instead of direct from Toronto. There were significant savings to be had.

So I started by booking one ticket. When I reloaded the page, the price jumped. Panicked, I decided to look for another flight. I would fly by myself, and put my brother and his friends on a different flight. After I found a second flight, I booked it, and then the price jumped again. Fuck. Two and half hours later, I finally booked everyone into a flight. Half of us would travel in the afternoon, and the rest in the evening. The significant savings? Not so significant anymore.

Fast forward to the first day of the trip. We make the road trip to Buffalo with little incident. After clearing security, we find our gate and relax. We're 2 hours ahead of schedule. As our boarding time approaches, we get bad news -- our flight is cancelled. What's worse, the only alternate route leaves at 7AM the next day. Fuck!

We had to check into a Buffalo hotel and spend the night. At least we had chicken wings for dinner and got to watch the 40-year-old Virgin commercial-free. My brother was already in Vegas. Fuck!

7AM rolls around, and we fly to Boston. From there, we fly to Vegas. 24+ hours later, our cab drops us off at Imperial Palace. We have a welcome party of 4 there to applaud our arrival. You fucking bitches. I make a B-line to one of the hotel rooms, shower, change, and come back down to the casino in about 15 minutes flat. And then I head straight for the poker tables...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Cassie: Me & U Video (Official)

Heavy Rotation. This shit is hot!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Gmail owns Hotmail

Fucking Kev, I hate you for saying that Hotmail is "the same shit" as Gmail. It has forced me to write this. Hotmail is not the same as Gmail. Here is why:

1. Disk space: I opened a new hotmail account just to see what's changed since I last used the service. They graciously offered me 30 MB of space, until a certain period of time, when they will increase the limit to 250 MB. Thanks Microsoft! Google gave me 1 GB when I first opened my Gmail account, and started increasing the limit from day 1. Right now, I'm at 2.8 GB. By Gmail's third anniversary, I'll be at 3GB. 3 gigs bitch!

2. AJAX technology: Google is one of the first high-profile companies to exploit a wicked crazy web technology nicknamed AJAX. It allows web applications to be built without requiring page refreshes after every mouse click. Page refreshes make applications slow -- think about when you normally go through your Hotmail account. Go to website ... wait. Click on inbox ... wait. Click on an email ... wait. Click reply ... wait. Type your message and click send ... wait. In Gmail, tons of functions are AJAX'd to make them faster. I can reply to an email without needing to wait for a page refresh. I can type an address into the To: field, and it autocompletes. I can switch back from emails to the inbox without a refresh. It's lightning fast and responsive. Hotmail? Click ... wait.

3. Search, Don't Sort: You probably have a good time organizing your email into folders. Or maybe you don't have your email in folders, you like to go page to page looking for that email written a month ago. In Gmail, Google indexes your emails the same way they index the web. That means I can run searches to find my emails. And since my ass has tight Google game, I can find any email I want in one search. Fucking right!

4. No graphical ads: Hotmail is slow as fuck! I don't know how you can stand it! Gmail has no graphical banner ads to slow down page load (and waste my time).

5. Keyboard shortcuts: Power users love keyboard shortcuts, because they allow you to move faster through an application. Like Ctrl-C for copy, and Ctrl-V for paste. I can switch to the inbox with g-i. Compose an email with c. Reply to an email with r. Hotmail? I couldn't find the send button.

6. Threaded conversations: I bet you like to see TeamID spamming your inbox. Replying to the same gatdamn email. "re: Why Shaun is gay" showing up 20 times. Not for me. My emails are threaded, so all replies show up in one spot. And you get a wicked interface to expand/collapse individual emails within the thread.

In conclusion, fuck hotmail. And fuck you too Kev.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Great Neighbourhood Race Countdown

Only 2 weeks until Team ID's third running of the United Way Great Neighbourhood race. Like Destiny's Child, half of the roster has been switched. Jon "I'm too lazy and stupid to sign up online" Yu replaces Ruby "I don't want to sweat on my birthday" Heer. And my wife is running for me, cuz my Google game is tighter than hers anyways.

But that's not what this blog is about. Check out this picture right hurr. It's a picture of The Natty's team, Team "Where My Girls At" ... They posted it on the United Way website -- By the way, how come there was no picture of us? What the fuck?

But when they posted the picture, they cut the Natty out! Oh punk! I learned in Yearbook class never to crop someone out of a picture just because they don't fit. Maybe the United Way thought it would make the picture look better if she was out. Pwn3d son!

Why The World Does Not Need (to watch) Superman

Potential spoilers below. Read at your own risk.

I apologize for pimping this movie. I apologize for showing any interest. I apologize for my friend Ruby, and my wife Cathy (and my sexually confused friend Jon). They are blinded by the pretty boy looks of Brandon Routh. Once you go a bit deeper, Superman Returns is full of cliche, in-your-face metaphor that's been seen before.

Man leaves. Woman can't wait, and moves on. Man returns. Man tries to get back into woman's life. Woman is confused, and cries a lot. Done. That's the whole movie. In one scene, Lois sits in front of her laptop, ready to write an article titled "Why the world needs Superman." The article is blank, and she's having a hard time starting. As tears stream down her face, the shot cuts to the cursor, which of course is shaped like the letter "I". The world doesn't need Superman, she does (the dirty tramp!). How you gonna play Cyclops like that? That's not his son!

Throw in a little Christ-figure for good measure: "I hear them crying for a saviour every day" ... "He seems to be everywhere at once" ... "A son becomes a father, and a father becomes a son" ... Get a shot of Superman in the crucifix position as he falls. Have him stabbed in the side.

A little Greek mythology for you perhaps? The references to Prometheus, or the shot of Superman with the world on his shoulders a la Atlas? Yawn. I could keep going picking this movie apart ... too easy.

The movie may have been better if you gave Kal Penn (of Harold and Kumar fame) more lines than ... zero. Geez, why are you so serious?

A few tips for director Bryan Singer. Please don't use so much symphony music. Please don't recycle plotlines from previous Superman movies. Watch the sappiness factor. And CG Superman looks as bad as CG Spider-man. Stop overusing CG!

In closing, I have an answer for you Jon. You were looking for the 15 minutes of the movie that suffered when Singer allegedly left Superman to help Peter Jackson direct King Kong. It suffered somewhere in the beginning ... all the way to the end.

Saturday, June 10, 2006


I didn't tell anyone this story, so I could blog about it. So we go Cawthra community center, to play basketball on Friday night. I packed my shoes, shorts, and shirt into my bag. Off we go.

As soon as I get there, I head straight for the change room. It's dark, and I can't find the lights. Go back out, no switches. Oh yeah, I remember, the lights are motion activated. Let me just walk back in ... there we go. Alright, so no big deal here, I get undressed and change into my ball gear.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. I needed to take a piss. But there weren't any urinals. I should have clued in at that point, but sometime's I'm a little dense. I even walked around, thinking maybe they'd put them in the handicapped people shower or something. Whatever, I'll just take a piss in the toilet.

I get into the stall, and there's this plastic garbage bin beside the toilet. It has a lid. What the fuck is this? It was at this instant that I realized my terrible, terrible mistake. I'm in the women's change room. The bin is for sanitary napkins. Blood rags. Tam-ponns.

What's really funny was that I considered leaving my stuff there. My ass is that lazy. I swear, the men's change room was to the left. Wasn't it?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Happy Birthday Bay!

Thank you to everyone that came out for my wife's 28th birthday. This year was fun wasn't it? Especially my crunk-ass wife delivering on her promise to make this event epic. It's always good to be around so many friends, and I know that she was very happy to see you.

Sorry that we didn't say goodbye. Security escorted Cathy out. We had to go.

This morning, she told me she couldn't remember anything about being sick. She didn't remember how she got home. or throwing up in our washroom. Or throwing up in our wastebasket. Or on the floor. You know what that means? No resolution to "never drink again" ... she'll be back, ladies and gentlemen, for all your evening entertainment needs!

Thanks to all the girls that took care of her in the Madison washroom. And anyone that put more money than they were supposed to settle the bill. Which begs the question: who cheaped out?

On a slightly unrelated note, what the hell happened Phoenix?

So next year, we continue a new tradition? Crunk as fuck 2K7 countown: 364 days.
My wife will be ready to spread love and spit venom -- one and the same.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Starcraft Origami

This is disgusting! Can you name them all? Go here for more pics.

My Camera's Broke!

I don't know when it happened, but it happened. My camera don't work no more. It was last working during the 8K race. I took it home that weekend, downloaded the pics, and let it sit until Victoria Day. But now I don't get a picture in the viewfinder. Even if I take pictures, they come up in preview mode as all black.

My wife bought an extended warranty. But it's tucked away somewhere in storage. And I don't believe it's still valid.

Tonight is my wife's birthday party. I need to get this shit fixed! I'm so sad.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

In your face

I was at checking out the NBA free agency market this summer. A lot of good names out there, you should check it out.

Anyways, they had this picture of Bonzi Wells dunking. Look at his left hand - It's slapping that Spurs player in his face! That's so wicked.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Isn't that an Italian last name?

Was I the only one that ever wondered why Argentinian basketball players have Italian last names? This shit fucked me up for the longest time. Ginobili? Nocioni? Those aren't Spanish. Not Portuguese either. They're Italian!

It's all over the web. Italian immigrants to Argentina numbered more than two million between 1876 and 1925. Now you can't tell me that my blog ain't edu-ma-fi-cational.

Check out this picture I stole from a website using Google Image. They tried to prevent me from taking it by disabling right click. That's the lamest thing I've ever seen. Click and drag to the desktop, son, I gotcha! It says copyright on it, I hope the artist doesn't sue my ass!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I won $24!

I went to Casino Niagara over the weekend and played poker there for the first time. I sat at the lavish $1-$2 no-limit table, and bought in for $100. My hands were shaking. After a few hands, I got comfortable. In the first hour, I was up somewhere close to $80.

In the second hour, I got tired. Impatient. Started making poor decisions. I cut myself off and cashed in around 12:30AM. +$24 ... wicked, I won! Too bad my wife lost $120.

Thank you, David Sklansky. Phil Gordon. Doyle Brunson. All of your readings have finally paid off!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Get the eff out my way!

So I'm walking down the street with my coworkers, looking for some grub. All of a sudden, we hear a bell ring, kind of like the ones you would put on a bike. ring ring. WTF? We turn around, and it is a man on a powered wheelchair. The bell was meant to communicate something: Get the FUCK out my way. As we made room and watched him power his way in front of us, I couldn't help but think how wicked that bell was. This dude found a socially acceptable way of being downright rude and selfish!

I need one of those bells. I'll ring it while walking on the sidewalk, and when people turn around, I'll look them in the eyes like "you know what to do. Move it."

Saturday, May 06, 2006

mi:iii review

The 3 or 4 of you that read my blog know that I love Lost. When creator and executive producer JJ Abrams decided to leave the show and work on Mission Impossible 3, I knew that this wasn't going to be a totally brainless action flick. Half-brainless, mind you, but I'm a sucker for over-the-top action anyways. No, he was going to bring something a bit deeper to the table. Suffice it to say, I was not disappointed.

Reasons to watch Mission Impossible 3:
  • Hollywood Action: C'mon Jon, why you hating on this? He takes out three people in an elevator, while being tied down, with a knife! Can your Japanime do that?
  • Hot Chicks: Maggie Q is flippin hot. She kept the detonator to the explosives 3/4 of the way up her dress. Pull that skirt up higher, gatdamn! Keri Russel was also hot -- any chick who knows how to catch a handgun, point, and shoot all in one motion gets hotness props.
  • Lost Piano: To set the mood for the dramatic scenes, JJ Abrams brought in whoever the guy is that plays the piano during the dramatic scenes in Lost. Funny!
  • JJ Abrams: You don't leave Lost and direct something shitty. Think about it!
  • Laurence Fishburne: "Don't interrupt me while I'm asking rhetoric questions."
  • That fucking Irish Guy: I couldn't figure out where I've seen this guy from. I asked everyone and they shrugged their shoulders. C'mon, guys, think harder! I finally used IMDB to help me - Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Bend it Like Beckham. Fuck!
  • Cheesy One-liners: We need to bring back the days of 80's Arnold Schwarzenneger action movies. Tom Cruise's friend asks him, "How many rounds do you have left?" He replies, "Enough." He turns and fires one shot to kill his target, and says, "Now I'm out." Sick, son! [snaps fingers]
Watch Mission Impossible 3 ... Do it Now!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Do the Math

I needed to renew my passport, so I printed out an application from the government website. There is a section which asks you for the names of two people who are not family, and who can confirm your identity. Why? I guess so they can make sure you're not Al Qaeda, or so that you're not part of some immigrant smuggling scheme. Unless you count that immunization mark on my wife's arm, I am not a party to either.

So I chose Shaun and Chin to confirm my identity. Chris mumbles too much over the phone, Jon probably wouldn't know his own address, and AI is about as easy to reach as the plug behind the oven. Picking those other two was basically a no-brainer.

Anyways, there was an interesting field on the form: "How long have you known this person?" Shaun and I did the math over the phone: I've known him for 15 years. Fifteen years! That's fucking crazy! That would mean that I've known Anth for 17 years! WTF?

I've never been anything for 15 years. High school was 4. University was 3. Even my first career poisition lasted 6 years. But my closest circle of friends ... 15 years? That's fucking crazy!

Growing old sucks hard.