Everytime I go to church, I sleep. That's what I do. So we go to church on Sunday, and we're early. So I close my eyes. That's what I do.
One of the ushers approaches us, and asks, "would you like to be the gift bearers for today's mass?" I wake up, startled. "Uhhh, okay..." Damn usher, he did that just to punk me! You have no right to tell me where and when I can sleep!
Anyways, today's gospel was from the book of Matthew. Here it is, paraphrased by Lil Lex:
10 bridesmaids are waiting for the bridesgroom, so that they may accompany him to the wedding. They've got oil lamps to light the way when it gets dark. There are 5 "foolish" ones, and 5 "wise" ones. The wise ones brought oil for their lamps, and the foolish ones didn't.
So they take a nap, and when they wake up, it's dark. So the foolish ones are like, "yo, hook us up with some of your oil." The wise ones are like "naw, there ain't enough. Go buy your own." So the 5 foolish ones head into town. While they're gone, the bridesgroom comes, and the 5 wise bridesmaids accompany him to the wedding. They lock the door.
The 5 foolish bridesmaids return, and ask them to unlock the door. The bridesgroom tells them, "uhhh, I don't know who you are. Go away."
The gospel of the Lord. Thanks be to God (oh punk).